I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE: "A FAT ASS"

And I mean that in the best possible way, you know, like a dude.

Feb 21, 2012 at 2:00pm | Leave a comment

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I've talked quite a bit about my curve-free body, and how I'm cool with it, but that doesn't mean I'm not curious about how the other half lives. From what I hear, with a womanly physique comes daily male attention and even, unfortunately, light harassment. I mean, Emily gets picked up on the subway -- a notoriously communication free zone -- if that's any indication. 

Curves are head-turning; they're a conversation starter, often a one-sided conversation, but still. At the weekend, a guy went so far as to tell me, "You're the skinniest person I've ever seen." This wasn't a compliment, although some women might take it as such. Trust, the dude was British, and his comment loosely translated to "I don't want to have sex with you."

Actually, I've had a few dudes say things like this to me. I once ordered steamed vegetables at dinner with a friend and her father, to which he responded, "I would never marry you." I get it straight guys, you hate the skinny (unless of course it's tempered with Kardashian curves). 

I'm not in the business of pandering to dudes. If you're a buttman, then physically I'm not your style, and that's cool. Lately though, I've been thinking about curves. I'm not an actor or anything, so I wasn't about to gain weight over it. Besides if I did, the extra pounds wouldn't distribute to my rear, but bubble up above my skinnies instead. I know from experience. 2002, the year I moved to the US, wasn't a good one body-wise. Let's just say there were a lot of meals at IHOP involved.

Enough about that. In the spirit of social experimentation, I decided to don a padded behind and see how differently I was treated by the male population. I chose Booty Pops, the padded underwear brand favored by fellow curve-free lady, Kelly Ripa.  Interesting story, one of the founders of Booty Pops and Jane actually met years ago at Canyon Ranch (butt but Jane can tell you all about that sometime).

When my Booty Pops arrived at the office, everyone wanted a piece of the action, even yoga butt, Madeline. Since the Booty Pops team generously sent a huge assortment, I agreed to share.

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Booty Pops come in a few different styles, each one a variation on the classic boy short. They're all very cute and comfortable, but the padding is discernible, so this isn't exactly something you'd want to wear if you plan on taking your pants off with somebody.

My pair added subtle volume to my underwhelming ass; nothing crazy or particularly head turning.

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Around the office, I made a point of strutting back and forth from my desk to the kitchen several times, and while I can't confirm that any dudes took notice, I'm sure they did. They're all engaged or newlyweds at SAY Media, so even if they wanted to gawk at my padded butt, they probably averted their eyes.

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Later that day, Madeline and I took our booties to Soul Cycle to really put our padded pants to the test. As you can see, spandex cycle-wear really shows off my ample butt. I was convinced the Booty Pops would act like those special spin shorts that Cycle-heads wear and prevent soreness caused by the bike seat, but I still needed a gel cover. That could just be an indication of how bony my real butt is.

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Ultimately, my amplified butt didn't garner any new male attention. At least not the overt kind. Sure, some dudes may have noticed, but no one went so far as to say, "Shorty, you got a fat ass." Still, I continued wearing my Booty Pops for the entire week because I liked how they filled out my jeans. They're a great quick fix, but I'm also interested in more permanent results, so I'm also going to examine butt-boosting exercise. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, how do you feel when a guy uses "fat ass" as a compliment? Most girls I've talked to are offended. For those without "fat asses" like me, do you care? Would you ever try padded underwear? I'm really curious.

Follow Julie's ass on Twitter @JR_Schott.