Remember a week or two ago when I was all, "I have things to say about lipstick and hypodermic Sally!" in the comments on one of Emily's beauty articles? Well, the powers that be finally converged this week, bestowing upon me enough time to write AND a blessedly (almost) blemish free day on which to photograph myself wearing my very favorite hot and messy lip color.
But why, you might be thinking to yourself, why does Amber keep repeating hot mess like it's a good thing when we all know that "hot mess" is synonymous with glittering girls, full of gin and sadness, about to fall down at parties and anyone riding the struggle bus all the way to a spectacular public meltdown? Why, knowing this, would Amber think such a headline would compel me to buy a product?
Because—this is me, not hypothetical question, italicized collective you—it's true. The best lipstick ever (fine, in my humble opinion) is Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar, specifically the RTW variety that comes in little tubes.
It is a smeary, delightful mess that comes in very vampy colors. When treated with the respect deserved by the BEST LIPSTICK EVER, it will stay put on your mouth through 4 cups of coffee, a bacon and egg sandwich, a cinnamon roll, a mango (eaten with your hands), fried rice, and an evening of fervent kissing on the couch.
(I know this to be true because I did all of these things yesterday and finished off my Monday with a scarlet, petulant mouth as perfect as it was during my commute.)
Lip Tar is a gooey thing of beauty, its loveliness increases, and this is how I make it last forever:
(P.S. If you enjoy references to Endymion and would like to discuss Keats' book-length failure of a poem in the comments, skip these gifs and let's do it now!):
You Don't Need a Lipliner, But You Must Line Your Lips
While I don't think you have to have a lip liner pencil or crayon always available, I do believe you ought to always (or as often as possible) line your lips with something. I use a double-ended tarte eyeliner brush that I've had for so long it is no longer available in stores. Its closest twin is the etch & sketch double ended liner brush ($15).
I dab a little color from the lipstick applicator onto the brush or swirl it around in the tube, then do what comes naturally. While he internet is chock-a-block with schematics on exactly how to lip-line and they involve a lot of X's and angles, I'm not the best at geometry or cartography so I keep it simple: cupid's bow, corners, and my bottom lip (because it hits my chin when I open my mouth or eat or exclaim something and will smear lipstick everywhere if given half the chance.)
BEWARE: With Lip Tar, it's not a great idea to overdraw or contour because, no matter how many q-tips dipped in makeup remover you have on deck, a bright stain or liquid lipstick does not lend itself to quick touch ups.
You Have To Set The Color (On Your Lips)
It doesn't matter how often or how vigorously you blot (and I recommend blotting and then decorating your desk or living space with lush crumpled kisses), you need to use a powder to keep the color bright and keep it from smearing down your chin and up into your nose.
tarte's Smooth Operator™ Amazonian Clay Finishing Powder is $33 but, like Lip Tar, will last forever. It also won't dry out your lips to the point of peeling like mildewed wallpaper which is gross and graphic but ACTUALLY HAPPENS with other finishing powders.
You Have To Listen To Hole, Garbage, Or K's Choice
This step is optional, I guess, but still highly recommended. I have zero science to back up this claim, but have found that playing "Not An Addict" on repeat while getting my vamp on makes my lipstick last longer. It's some kind of grunge alchemy and I'm not going to question it.
You Have To Set The Color (Around Your Mouth)
Last but not least (in fact, this is the least least step): Use a finishing powder of your choice around your mouth in those smeary danger places where one sweats or brushes frequently with hands or scarves or bacon and egg sandwiches.
Any brush will get the job done. Reader's choice! Whatever works for you.
If you're still not convinced by my gifs and proclamations that Lip Tar is the best lipstick ever, kindly observe the following stray observations (then tell me what you'd rather wear on your lips and we can fight to the death over its virtue in the comments):
Lip Tar is true to color - There is zero guess work involved with this product. What you see is what you get.
It comes in ALL THE COLORS - Seriously. Don't want to vamp out? Prefer nudes or pinks or violets or corals? There's a color for that. BONUS: A new line of Lip Tar is being launched on Black Friday. Get it, get it.
It's not crazy expensive - I will spend a lot of money on lipstick because I am enamored with beauty and it is often worth it however Lip Tar is affordable enough ($15 a tube!) that you can buy six shades instead of one.
It's 100% vegan and cruelty free - This is amazeballs and self-explanatory.
Until next time, gentle readers, be hot, be messy, and eat mangoes with your hands and the vampest mouth ever.