Age: 29Twitter: @BeeswriteWhat I Do, Job-wise: Freelance Writer, Double Agent, Master of Fake Fashion @lookalikelooks What I Do, Fun-wise: Cook, engage my cats in heady conversation, and perform subpar sexy dances to Hall and Oates My Motto: From a medieval German jousting shield (because I am the dork queen) "Even though the other birds don't like me, still I quite enjoy myself." My Anti-Motto: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feelsThe First Movie Star I Ever Had A Crush On: Kevin Sorbo. No regrets. My “celebs to make out with” list: Michael Keaton (my dream man is probably a fusion of Beetlejuice and Batman. I'm aware this doesn't bode well and am working on it), Mike Rowe, and Portia De Rossi.The Most Played Song On My iTunes: Boyz In Da Hood - NWA Last Book I Read Without Skimming Any Parts: "Little Children," Tom PerrottaMy Most Worn Item of Clothing: Do glasses count? They count. And it is my glasses. Beauty Products That I Hoard: Fresh's entire Brown Sugar collection, Lush's Ocean Salt, and Bliss's Minty Super Scrub Bar Thing! I smell like: Marc Jacob's Cucumber perfume...and a cigarette, sadly. I Have Faked An Orgasm (Yes/No): No, and I don't laugh when something isn't funny either.
UNPOPULAR OPINION: I Hate Bicycles And The People Who Talk About Riding Them 698
If You Are Fat, New Zealand Does Not Want You 322
It's Wine-O-Clock, You Guys: When Are You Most Likely To Indulge? 184
Fix My Non-Problems: Should I Get A Nose Job, Or Just Pierce My Nose? 267
The Children's Place Is Selling Sexist T-Shirts To Girls, But Sadly This Is Nothing New 152
Beep, Boop: Robots Are Taking Over The World And I Am SO EXCITED 22
Science Has Figured Out Dog Emotions, Cat Emotions Remain A No-Go 267
So, Skinny Mirrors Are A Thing Now 54
Is This Weird? I Always Cry On Airplanes 147
In Defense Of Novelty Ringtones 115
I Don't Know About Romance, But My Platonic LDR Is The Best Thing That's Ever Happened To Me 30
5 Things A Plus-Sized Lady Should Absolutely Never Do When Online Dating 132
I Never Wear Underwear, Even on Public Transportation, Even When I Have My Period 642
I'll Try Anything Once: Beyonce's Mink Lashes 113
HALF-EMPTY, HALF-FULL OR HALF SOMETHING ELSE: 4 Things You Can Be Instead Of A Pessimist Or An Optimist 30
UNPOPULAR OPINION: Sometimes My Kid Throws Tantrums In Public, And Everyone Should Just Deal With It
Caitlin Coakley Beckner
People Sure Do Have a Lot of Opinions About My Dog
IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Was The "Stinky Kid" Who Regularly Bled Through My Skirt
How Not To Be A Dick On Black Friday
I USED TO THINK ALIENS WERE WATCHING ME FROM A DOORKNOB: What Are Your Weird Irrational Fears?
YOUR Outfits of the Week: Show Us What You Got! Plus The Most Perfect Emily Dress EVER
"Because" Is Now A Preposition And "Selfie" Is The Word Of The Year! Thoughts On Language Evolution Versus Language Conservatism
xoJane.com is where women go when they are being selfish, and where their selfishness is applauded.
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