I found the recipe on Pinterest, it contained beets, and it contained kombucha. ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE THAT THIS WAS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT.
xofood
cheese
If you really want to impress the pants off someone, make a staple from scratch.
coconut oil
Is the coconut a wonderful, delicious food delivered to us by god himself? Yes. Can coconut oil cure your genital herpes? Probably not.
xofood
America is playing a weird game of culinary chicken with itself, creating junk/comfort food hybrids like mac and cheese filled meatloaf.
music
I would say 90% of the music I listen to is “depressing” or at least “vaguely upsetting” and almost always in minor keys.
pores
Aestheticians enjoy working on me. One less than tactful lady could hardly contain her joy when she exclaimed “Your pores are HUGE. And there’s SO MUCH IN THEM.”
chemicals
“Chemical free” is a term made up by some marketing person to scare you.
food
There are certain consumables that I must put in my body EVERY time I am at Disneyworld. One of these is Dole Pineapple Whip, aka The Edible Smile of God.
pinterest
I was starting to worry that you all thought I was a bitter Pinterest-hating crone who sat in my cave making pins fail on purpose so I could write about them.
gross food
I was told I could get an Apple Pie McFlurry by the internet. I was told I could not get an Apple McFlurry by Diane, my neighborhood McDonald’s cashier.
pinterest
Most of you know how I feel about Pinterest. I don’t know how many of you follow my “I don’t believe you board,” but there have been some doozies.
alcohol
For those of you following along at home, it should be pretty apparent by now that I will eat/drink anything for attention and/or love.
shampoo
When my beautiful, all-natural-without-being-granola aunt (who is only seven years my senior) suggested that my hair could be cleansed with baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and conditioned with vinegar (acetic acid), I was super skeptical.
pets
I’ve had people tell me that eating raw chicken makes their dog really happy, but you know what else makes them really happy? Eating used sanitary pads.
pets
My dad is fond of saying “Not all pet owners are crazy, but all crazy people have pets.” Truer words never spoken.
vegan
I would like to thank olives, bread, hummus and alcohol. You guys are the real heroes here.
food
We’ve already established that I will try almost any combo of edible material, so why not back up my choices with science?
food
Since the peanut butter and pickle sandwich post, lots of folks have been suggesting weird sandwiches for me to eat. You know what? You guys are freaking gross.
cookbooks
Like 1960s Playboys or your favorite dirty VHS, cookbooks have a certain tangibility that online recipes cannot replace.
food
Pinterest has many wonderful qualities, but I really hate all of the “WHO KNEW YOU ONLY NEED YOUR OWN SALIVA TO CLEAN YOUR WHOLE HOUSE?” and “USE A BANANA TO FIX SCRATCHES ON YOUR DVDs” type pins.
baking
You know what sucks? When your oven is a web of lies and you end up with burnt/undercooked baked goods.
food
I approached this how I always approach things -- drunkenly with science.
