It feels like my faff has become a selection of kitchen knives, and they're all jangling around making me wee and massacring my insides.
I am a constant source of irritation to my flatmates. I hair dyed the bathroom wall, I broke a sofa, I accidentally threw up on some builders, I threw dried rice all over myself and lived for ten months with dried rice under my bed.
My name's Stevie and I'm a vegetarian. Alcoholic would at least conjure romantic images of mental fragility and drug addiction is getting almost boring in its ubiquity. But vegetarians are, y’know. Michael Bolton is a vegetarian.