If I added up the time I spend watching football, researching players, and writing weekly fantasy recaps for my league, it would probably be at least a part-time job.
Listen, it’s no secret that I’ve been a bit of a slacker when it comes to writing about sports lately. The truth is: I typically take a hiatus from watching sports between the Super Bowl and Opening Day so that I can actually do sports. (A.K.A. snowboarding.) That being said, I still follow the sporting news when I can, so I thought this week I could just cheat a little bit and tell you what I thought was noteworthy.
Cincinnati Ben-Gals Cheerleader is Facing Criminal Charges for Having Sex with a Minor
First things first. Ben-Gals? SERIOUSLY? Just… no. Unlike Jane, I love a good pun, but ew. Is that even a pun or just hyphenation blasphemy?
Okay, now that THAT’s out of the way…
Sarah Jones, the Captain of the Bengals (sorry, I just can’t do it a second time) cheerleading squad was charged by a Kentucky grand jury with first-degree sexual abuse involving a student when she was teaching high school freshman English. She was also charged with unlawful use of electronic means to induce a minor to engage in sexual or other prohibited acts.
Here’s as much as I can figure out from the Internet:
- She taught at the high school until last November when she resigned for “personal reasons” according to her one sentence resignation letter.
- Apparently the guy she had sex with is denying anything happened.
- She says she’s innocent.
Unrelated, but interesting to note:
Sarah Jones is currently involved in litigation with TheDirty.com over their allegations that she had sex with Bengals players and has two STDs. The biggest reason I don't believe this allegation is because if I had two STDs there's no way in hell I would tell ANYONE, much less some loser friend who would then rat me out to the Internet.
Regarding the sexual abuse charge, I don’t know what the deal with this, obviously. She says she’s innocent. I believe in “innocent until proven guilty.” Clearly there was enough evidence to indict her, but egads. I think I'll wait to see this one play out in court. That being said: What’s up with female teachers who have sex with their students? Who wants to have sex with a guy who doesn't know what he's doing and is going to orgasm in two seconds? Yucky!
Also, I wonder how the NFL will handle this. As far as I can tell from my five minute Google search, cheerleaders don’t have to follow the NFL’s personal conduct policy (the policy that gives the NFL the right to suspend players who are merely accused of a crime--Ben Roethlisberger, for example--but never even charged.)
It does, however, say on the Bengals.com website that: “Cincinnati Ben-Gal cheerleaders conduct themselves at all times in such a manner as is consistent with the highest moral and ethical standards.”
So while I think they should let her cheer until the trial, I also can't see that happening. Guess she's out of two jobs. Bummer.
Sean Payton Appealing His One-Year Ban & Bill Parcells Might Coach the Saints
I think we all knew this one was coming, but suspended Saints coach Sean Payton is filing an appeal of his season-long ban. His suspension is set to start on Sunday, but NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said this week that if the people involved chose to appeal their suspensions, they would remain in their current duties until a review was completed.
The thing to note, however, is that Goodell says those reviews will come within days, not weeks, so, assuming the suspension is upheld, Payton will not be able to participate in the draft in late April.
The other notable development is the possibility of retired coach Bill Parcells taking over if Payton is not allowed to coach. Not a bad person to come in as substitute teacher, but it might cause some bad blood in Miami where Parcells walked out with a year left on his contract because he was thought to be done with football.
You’ll be shocked to hear (not) that I think Parcells should do whatever he wants. It’s nothing like Brett Favre who retired and unretired seven million times. This is a guy who wants to come in and help his friend and former assistant head coach. Plus, even though I’m not a huge Parcells fan (I respect him as a coach, but god, I hate the Cowboys), it would make the football season a lot more interesting.
What do you think? Should a guy who bailed on a team under the guise that he was retiring come back and coach the Saints?
The Final Four is Tomorrow
“Sports” is a broad topic, as you obviously know. One sport I don’t really follow is college basketball. I went to NYU for undergrad and no offense to The Violets, but their Division III play didn’t exactly inspire me.
Well, it did inspire me to go knock on one of the player’s dorm room doors one night in a drunken haze, but luckily, he wasn't home. And, just because I like to win, when he hit on me a few years later at a party, I turned him down. To be fair: he wasn’t really hitting on me as much as he was trying to get me to have a one night stand, but still. I'm pretty sure that means I'm the one who came out on top. Except, you know, not...
Anyway, college basketball. Not really my thing. But it’s happening. Here's how the National Semifinals are breaking down.(4) Louisville vs (1) Kentucky - 6:09 p.m. ET(2) Ohio State vs (2) Kansas - 8:49 p.m. ETKentucky’s pretty much favored to take it all and what’s even more interesting, to me, might lose three of their starting freshman to the NBA after the season. I guess I’m getting old because it just seems like that’s a really young age to go into the NBA, not to mention losing out on the opportunity to get a college degree. (Oh my, just call the nursing home now. They have happy hour there, right?) I guess it’s better than it used to be when players could enter right after their senior prom. Now at least they have to be 19 years old and at least one year out of high school. Still: how do you rebuild a team if you lose three of your starting freshman? Seems exhausting.
So yeah: Final Four. Who are you guys rooting for and why?
Daisy Had One of Her Best Days of Snowboarding All Season
Okay, fine. That’s not really sports news, but whatever: it’s true. And nothing makes me happier than an awesome day on the mountain. I was getting fresh tracks all day yesterday and as I carved in between the trees, all I could think was “I love Tahoe. I love Alpine Meadows. I love my life.” I didn’t stop smiling all day. It was kind of gross, if I'm being totally honest. For some reason Tahoe turns me into a happy hippie and it's really not a look I love. (Except, I do love it. I just don't WANT to love it as much as I do.)What activity do you partake in that makes you grin like an idiot (besides sex)?So many questions. Answer some of them, all of them, none of them in the comments. Happy Weekend!