Full disclosure: It’s probably not a good idea to bet against me. That’s because I only make bets I’m sure I’ll win. Which, I guess, is what we all do. So fine. Bet against me. But you’ve been warned.
Truthfully, I’m not much of a gambler. I don’t play the tables in Vegas because I subscribe to the belief that you shouldn’t bet money you don’t have to lose. (I also subscribe to the belief that you should never ask for a ride to the airport, but that’s another article for another day.) But when it comes to a dollar here, five dollars there, if I think I can win, I’m SO in.
In one of my most disastrous relationships to date, I consistently made $5 bets with the dude. They were always about little things like “Which way should a pillow face on a properly made bed?”* or “Is a man ever supposed to extend his hand to a woman?”** or “How many times did you call me a whore in public last night while you were blackout drunk?” Kidding! We never bet on that last one; after all, he swore it wasn’t fair to hold him accountable for things he couldn’t even remember he did. Fun!
Anyway, we bet in $5 increments with the rule being that when you hit $50, you had to pay up. (I’ll let you figure out if he ever gave me the money.)
The next guy I dated wasn’t into betting at all.
“Just a dollar,” I’d beg. “ONE DOLLAR!”
But for whatever reason, he didn’t want one of us to profit off of the other one being wrong. Which makes absolutely no sense, unless you take into consideration that he was an only child. Mostly I’m glad I have siblings, until an only child does something totally mature and rational and then I’m like “Ugh, you’re so annoying. TOTALLY STOLE THE LAST MUFFIN WHEN YOU WEREN’T LOOKING, SUCKA.”
Mostly, however, I don’t bet often because I hate the idea of losing. And that’s the whole thing about a bet: there’s a chance you might lose.
Which is apparently a concept Green Bay Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers isn’t too familiar with.
Here’s the story:
Aaron Rodgers is a really big Boyz II Men fan. I’d make fun of this, except it’s Boyz II Men and I actually totally respect those guys. And possibly went to Atlantic City to see them perform. When I was well into my 20s. Aaron Rodgers, however, is such a big fan that he asked Boyz II Men to sing the National Anthem prior to the Green Bay home opener against the San Francisco 49ers. And they agreed. But with a caveat. Nathan Morris, the baritone, just so happens to be a huge Niners’ fan. So he told Rodgers that they’d sing, but only if Rodgers agreed to a friendly wager:
If the Niners’ lost, Boy II Men would wear a Rodgers jersey. If Green Bay lost, then Rodgers had to wear a 49ers’ jersey.
Now I can kind of see why Aaron Rodgers took this bet. After all, prior to this game, the Packers won the last nine meetings with the 49ers. And the 49ers hadn’t won at Lambeau Field since 1990. I actually flew my ass all the way to Green Bay to watch the game and even I was pretty sure we were going to walk away with a loss on this one.
EXCEPT THEN WE DIDN’T. In fact, the 49ers pretty much destroyed the Packers in a stunning upset that was basically the highlight of my year. (NINERS!!!!!!)
Which meant: It was time for Aaron Rodgers to pay up. And Boyz II Men were ready:
Pressing the jersey now! RT @shawnstockman And that should be that for the Packer/9er game. Looks like a jersey will be worn!!— Boyz II Men (@BoyzIIMen) September 9, 2012
Except, Aaron Rodgers decided… not so much.
(Note: I saw many sports and gossip writers describe this as Aaron Rodgers “welshing/welching” on his bet, but I looked it up and, yup, it’s considered a pejorative term since it comes from the stereotype that Welsh/Celtic people were unreliable. xoJane: Helping me learn me new things every day!)
According to TMZ (and yes, I consider them a VERY reliable source, thank you very much), Rodgers was like, “That was a joke between friends,” and, “That got blown way out of proportion.” AKA: not gonna happen. Except, that’s the thing about bets. They often ARE jokes between friends. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay up.
I don’t know why this bugs me so much (I mean other than the fact that the Packers are my sworn life-long enemy), but I suppose there’s just something about a person not holding up his end of the bargain that ruffles my feathers. No one was going to force Rodgers to actually wear the shirt all week. All he had to do was put on the jersey, take a picture and post it to his Twitter.
Instead, he backed out and now he looks like a little punk-ass bitch. Or another name that’s maybe not *quite* so harsh. Except probably just the name I originally called him.
But don’t worry. Boyz II Men aren’t letting him off the hook that easily. Singer Shawn Stockton told TMZ that if Rodgers refuses to don the jersey, they’ll think of something and make him pay. Which, ugh, isn't the same as making him wear a Niners' jersey, but fine. (Backstory: As a life-long 49ers fan, Rodgers really wanted the Niners to take him with their #1 pick in the 2005 draft. They took Alex Smith instead. I don't know if that matters to this story, but now you have the facts.)
That being said, on the off chance that Aaron Rodgers does grow some balls and hold up his end of the bargain within the next couple of weeks, here’s what I’ll do:
I will wear this stupid Green Bay Packers t-shirt that I got when I went to the game at Lambeau (they seriously just leave them folded on your seat because people are so honest that they don’t steal things) and I’ll wear it out in public. And I’ll tweet a picture of myself in it. And then I’ll kill myself.
THAT is how confident I am that Aaron Rodgers won’t hold up his end of the bargain. And when he doesn’t?
This motherf*cking T-shirt? It gets burned. (Don’t worry; I’ll tweet that too.)
While we wait, tell me about the biggest bets you've made and lost. Or won, if you're in the mood to brag. And have you ever backed out of a bet? Is that even something real people do?
Oh, and follow me on Twitter to see what happens next.
*The pillow case opening should face toward the center of the bed. (EDIT: This is incorrect. They should face towards the outside. Apparently, I believed that loser I dated when he told me otherwise, but I just called my mother and asked for clarity. She's an expert on all things useless. "They face towards the outside, Daisy." When pressed as to why she replied, "I don't know why; I just know that's how it's done." And there you have it.)
**Nope. A man should wait for a woman to extend her hand first. If she doesn’t, you simply don’t shake. So old fashioned, I know!