Is Withholding Sex a Thing That People Do?

I am doing a little exercise in which I envision myself witholding sex from my boyfriend. He doesn't care that much.

Jun 28, 2011 at 4:02pm | Leave a comment

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Witholding sex is one of those things, like using a tiny bell when you are sick, that has become a sitcom staple but never actually happens in real life. Except that apparently it's happening now in Colombia, where The Daily Mail is reporting that a bunch of women are witholding sex to pressure their men into lobbying the government to fix their damn road. Why they don't just lobby the government their own selves, I am unsure, but maybe women have no say in road politics in South America.

The logic, it is so flawed. First of all, we must assume that all men looooooove having sex all the time and that all women are just fine and dandy without it, when actually we have heard that some women these days actually like to get it on.  What? I know! Modern times!

And some men are not actually straining at the leash in desparation to sex us madly every second. In fact, my boyfriend has been witholding sex from me for years; it's called being a long-term relationship. Ba-dum-ching!

I'm not one of those "perfect world" feminists who thinks women should never use their bodies to make things happen. That is, in a perfect world, women wouldn't have to use their sexuality to get a job/attention/cash money, but in this world, we are often disadvantaged, discriminated against and exploited, so you'll never catch me begruding a sister for getting hers where she can. We use the tools we have.

But I just don't think withholding sex is an effective strategy. In fact, I think having sex with someone (a government official, perhaps?) might be more effective in this situation.

I am trying to imagine a scenario in which I withold sex in order to get my boyfriend to do something. It's hard, because he is a nice person, so I'm pretty sure he'd do it just because I asked him to, and not because he is scared of a punani drought. But if I did threaten to lock it up, I'm pretty sure he would be unimpressed. And that like 3 days later, I'd be all, "Can we have sex again?" and he'd go, "I never said we couldn't," real calmly. 

So, really? Has anyone actually successfully done this ever?