In Which I Get Propositioned by a Married Man

"I am a married man, and I'll admit that as of late you make me wonder what your perspective on affairs might be."
Publish date:
May 19, 2011
marriage, adultery

Look what was in my inbox this morning!


First off, this seems a bit stalker-ish seeing as you don't know me, and I have your e-mail. Well, totally not stalking...much. You are stalk worthy, though; however, I got this e-mail from a post you put up on Facebook. At any rate, I left you a message on your facebook wall, but I bet you can't read them all, so I just wanted to re-emphasize that I enjoy your work. As a new fan, I am seeing stuff from you all the time, and I admire your freedom. You say what you feel needs to be said in a very witty and comical way. Plus, you look good doing it. I am a married man, and I'll admit that as of late you make me wonder what your perspective on affairs might be. Anywho, I hope this encourages you to keep moving in the same vein and know there is a sexy (slightly chubby) guy out there enjoying it.”

Oh Lord. First of all, "anywho" = dealbreaker. Second of all, you've gotta be pretty dumb to send a sex writer an email like this with your real name on it. He even posted links to his MySpace, YouTube and Twitter. Were I a woman of less flexible morality, I might have just posted the whole thing up here and blown up his spot to the world.

The worst part is that there is a part of me – the same part of me that is attracted to the scummy darkness of dive bars and short stay hotels – that is intrigued by this kind of thing. I am attracted to married guys – they’re good-looking and socially well-adjusted enough that someone wanted to lock it down, more likely to be clean if they’re the generally monogamous type, and best of all, exceedingly grateful.

I value gratitude in a man more than any physical trait – I’d rather be with an old, uglyish guy who acts like he’s found the meaning of life in the curve of my ass cheeks than some sculpted 22-year-old Adonis who thinks he’s doing me a favor with 10 minutes of enthusiastic jack-hammering.

I slept with my first married man at around 17 and slept with several more over the years. I was never interested in getting romantically involved with or snatching someone else's husband, but I have used them more than once for recreational sex with little emotional attachment.

I've been in a relationship for a good long while now, but in my previous life, I suppose I was one of those people who believes that the reponsibility for fidelity falls on the attached party. I didn't think it was right exactly to aid his cheating, but I did believe that he was doing the cheating, not me. And while I'm sure this means I deserve a big ol' karma bomb to blow up in my face, I still kind of feel that way. My man isn't faithful to me because no woman would have him. He's faithful to me because he chooses to be. And on the other side of the coin, It's my job not to cheat on my partner, not anybody else's. (Although if you know a way I can outsource that position, let's talk.)

And I guess it is from this morally dubious position that I chose to just delete this guy's email rather than post it online, forward it to his wife or anything else life-damaging that he put me in a position to be capable of.

And I may be about to release a Kracken of Internet disapproval for admitting all this, but unless I personally slept with every man who's ever had an affair, there's some of you out there who have done/are doing the same thing and just aren't admitting it. I may not be keeping it right, but I am keeping it real.