Nobody Was Good At Sex In College, Here Is What We Would Tell Our College Selves About Doing It

Do you ever look back at your college years and wish you could just give yourself one piece of advice?
Publish date:
July 24, 2013
movies, college, entertainment, to do list, The To Do List

So, I went to an all girls school for 13 years. I hated it which I'm sure I've written about before, so I will not waste time yakking about it now. When I did finally have my first co-educational experience in COLLEGE I was pretty much down to get naked like all the time and put my sexy side in HYPERDRIVE.

I was a yes girl. I had no idea what these weird penile creatures were and I thought I was smarter than all of them and I could pretty much get them to do whatever I wanted if I showed a little sideboob. So I ran around campus like an idiot sex machine. It was fun to be drunk every day and totally ignore feelings because who cares it's college and we are pretty much here to do everything before we get to a point in our lives when regrets are, like, real.

It was pretty awesome.

There are a few things I definitely regret though, not actions, but feelings. Like, dying inside when that dude who I slept with the night before ignored me in the dining hall because he was talking to his very real, not dead, totally breathing girlfriend. Mind you, I wasn't dying for her and her gross cheating boyfriend. I was dying because UGH WHY ISN'T HE EATING DRY SCRAMBLED EGGS WITH ME RIGHT NOW?

Yeah, I'll admit it, I participated in a pretty hefty list of sad-girl things in college (which, mind you, was not that long ago) but like, who didn't? For the most part, I wouldn't change a THING. But there are a few things that could have been avoided (see above) had I had the wisdom that comes with experience. So, I polled our xoJane contributors and editors on what advice they would give their college-age selves about doing-it. Here is what they said:

"Listen to your father, that boy really is gay." - Claire Lower

"You are awesome, sexy and one of a kind. Have sex if you want to have it, but also know that you've got the power here, and only share it with a sex partner if you want to do so. As in -- any guy who doesn't want to hang with you because you want to wait or just take a while, is a tool to begin with. Also, once you have it, you can't take it back. Not that that is a bad thing, but something to consider with certain folks who might seem like in-the-moment choices. Ask yourself: Will I be happy about this tomorrow? If the answer is yes, then by all means, do it, and make sure you use protection. Carry condoms with you, too, because even if you are a virgin, if it happens, you don't want to make a rash decision that could lead to an accidental pregnancy or an STD. And also: Enjoy! Sex is so awesome, and you are beautiful. Have fun!" - Mandy

"Fat people have sex! Yeah, yeah, lifetime of messaging saying no one will ever want to sex you -- trust me, that is patently untrue." -Marianne

"Just take the tank top off. He knows your stomach is fat, and there's nothing less sexy than having sex with someone who is ashamed of her body." - Emily

"Maybe DON'T have sex on the bottom bunk while both of his roommates are "sleeping" in the room. Or do." - Daisy

""If your friend comes to visit you and it's pretty clear she's gonna hook up with your hallmate, don't offer them your own (twin) bed to sleep in and then STAY THERE. " - Kate Conway

"Don't fret too much about having every nipple hair or belly button hair ripped, tweazed or trimmed. DO NOT USE NAIR. " - Louise

There you have it. Just some good hard American sex advice from women who have most DEFINITELY been there. What would you tell yourself? Do you have advice for me? I'm always looking for help. I am very weak minded.

This article was sponsored by The To Do List, a new comedy about a girl who sets out to lose her virginity before college with some of my personal favorite actors. (I would like to sit down with Alia Shawkat so we can talk about life and Hi Bill Hader, get at me.)