Things No Woman in The World Is Going to Do: Give a Stranger Free Oral Sex

Poking holes in Craigslist logic.
Publish date:
June 22, 2011
craigslist, fellatio, pipe dreams

Craigslist's Casual Encounters section is great if you're a woman because you can think up the most bizarre fantasies and specific fetishes to post about and easily find some horny guy who is totally willing to make it happen (and bring you a McDonalds value meal on the way over). Again, that's if you're a woman.

It does not work the same way for men. Sorry, but that's supply and demand for you. Unless they're offering money or drugs, men have to put in a lot more effort to get laid then we do. But some of them apparently don't realize that, as evidenced by the category of Craigslist ads I'll call "Come over blow me and leave thanks" ads.

First of all, how nice can he be really? Second, there are two kinds of women who will come over and service you orally in response to a request like this: hookers and gay men [Do gay men reading find this offensive? Or true? I'd be curious if you want to weigh in below. --Jane]. So actually one kind of woman. Yet most of these guys huffily specify that they DO NOT PAY FOR SEX NO PROFESSIONALS NEED RESPOND.

Really? Maybe you'll let me suck yours? What porno fantasy world do these dudes live in where a woman is going to write a dissertation on her love of sucking for the chance to put his weiner in her mouth? Trust, if I want to suck a d, all I have to write is "come over." A crooked, beckoning finger would even suffice.

Dudes of Craigslist, you are going to have to do better than this to get a response. If you want a blowjob from a woman you're not in a relationship with and aren't interested in reciprocating, you better throw in $50, a PSP or some fresh-baked cookies. And definitely don't expect me to get off my couch and haul my ass over to YOUR HOUSE to give you a blowjob you don't even have to take your shoes off for.

I mean, have these guys ever met a woman? We do not work like this. It's the Internet, not an alternate reality. Woo a bitch.