Here's your place to come talk about sex and love whenever you feel like it.
Let's jump right in, shall we? Here's what I learned over the last seven days:
1) Men Don't Do Snarky Well
I took the initiative and wrote the first message to a few guys (more on that later), one of which listed DJ as his profession, so I used that tidbit as a conversational segue. His response? Pure fuckery.
He basically informed me that he pondered for several hours before deciding to write me back and berate me for being a digital Serato DJ, but of course he's just joking, ha ha ha. Then he asked me what kind of tunes I hold in my little magical easy-bake microwave oven-like music DJ box, ha ha ha.
For fuck's sake! This is exactly why I'm not a fan of writing messages first; he was such an assclown! (And FYI dude, there's more than enough room for all of us DJ's without you feeling the need to shit on others. So you've been DJing for 20 years. Big whoop! It's not my fault that you still choose to haul 500 records around to play at parties. Work smarter, not harder. Dick!)
2) Men Aren't Really Honest With Themselves, Are They?
I'm always amused by men who've listed themselves as "looking for a woman from age 18 to 99." iMean.com! Either you're a greedy opportunist looking to rake in all the hoes -- age be damned -- or you're not being as honest on your profile as I am. I've specified that I'm interested in meeting men aged 30 to 40 of any race, height, weight, and body type, as I'm open to meeting men in that age range. With that said, I will admit that I'm a little bit apprehensive of men who have ticked every race box except Black/African, yet they still take the time to reach out to me. And then there's the men who have listed their date's physical preferences as athletic/toned or slender. I've clearly listed myself as curvy and posted pics that support that status -- so again I ask, why, pray tell, are you messaging me? If I read a guy's profile, and he's listed that he likes women that are "sporty," then I don't wink because the only thing that's sporty about me is, well, nothing. The lesson here? Stay in your lane, search for what you want, and don't try to suck me in if I don't fit that mold. Let's not waste each other's time, mmmkthxbye.
3) Match.com Isn't Enough
After a month on Match.com, I'm starting to think I need to branch out. My matches have been recycled and recycled and recycled to the point where they're recommending the same men to me every time I login. I'm guessing that's why the same men are winking and re-winking. I can't do just this for the next five months, so I did something I swore I'd never do -- I signed up to a free dating site. OK Cupid to be exact.
And that, my dear friends, opened up a whole new can of worms.
I'll be back with more later, but for now, here's a question for my fellow online daters: Which do you prefer--Match.com or OK Cupid? Why? Any other sites you recommend I sign up for?
Holla at an online dater playa on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax