In Pursuit of a Superior Orgasm? Try Edging

When I first started having orgasms, I was just so excited to be coming at all that I was never really concerned with quality. Since then, I have become a smidge more sexually entitled.

Mar 14, 2013 at 5:00pm | Leave a comment

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“Read for pleasure.”

 
One of my resolutions for 2013 was to have more sex. Specifically, it was to have more orgasms. Not just with a friend, but with myself too. Coming alone improves my mood, decreases stress, and makes me less of a cranky bitch all around. Getting off with someone else does all of these things, plus it helps me bond with my dude, and makes me more likely to want to cook up a huge batch of Post-Fuck Pancakes.
 


Sort of like pizza when you're drunk, any orgasm is better than no orgasm. But orgasms are not all built equal! Some feel more intense and vibrate through my entire body, while some feel shallow and stay sequestered in my lady parts. I prefer the first over the second, and so I am constantly hunting for that ultimate orgasm.
 
If I have a good amount of time on my hands, then one of my favorite tricks is edging. Edging, which some call “prolonged orgasming” or “teasing,” is when you come right to the cusp of an orgasm and then stop. It can be frustrating, but it creates a superior orgasm. However, edging is sort of hard to harness at first, because once you're almost there, it's all too tempting to just finish it off. We are gluttons for immediate gratification.
 
Mostly I play this game alone, but it's also fun when done with someone you know really well, as you're familiar with their body and can tell when they're getting close without them having to yell it all up in your face. 
 
I have heard of some extreme edgers who will only masturbate sans orgasm -- they stop completely before they come.That seems pretty frustrating to me. Aside from the whole bonding bit, the point of sex is an orgasm, is it not? If neither of us is going to have an orgasm, can't we just find something on Netflix Instant? When I am edging, I usually take myself to the edge and retreat 3 to 5 times.
 
If you're interested in trying this out, here are a few edging tips to get you started:
 
Breath work –- When I am trying to hold off, I use the deep, slow breathing technique I picked up at yoga. Sort of like a slowed down version of that lamaze breathing you are supposed to learn for childbirth, breath control calms you down and keeps your orgasm at bay. Breathe in slowly, focusing on the inhale, breathe out slowly, focusing on the exhale. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
 
Meditators use this breath technique too. It helps you focus -- it gives you just enough mind motion to keep your brain from drifting off to other topics (like to-do lists...or pending orgasms!) while still being subtle enough that you can do it easily and feel relaxed. Meditation...masturbation...same thing right? You're focusing on yourself! 
 
DIY –- Practice on your own before you start with a friend so that you know your body's cues really well.You need to learn how close you can come to coming without actually doing so. View it as sex research. Experimentation! For the greater good of humanity. Whatever. It's more productive than a two hour episode of "The Bachelor."
 
Pace yourself --My favorite sex toy is my beloved Hitachi magic wand, affectionately named Bruce Willis because of their striking resemblance to one another. But Brucey turns me into a Two Minute Tim, er, uhm, Taylor. I couldn't edge with my Hitachi without chipping a tooth, so I never take him out if I am planning on a marathon edging session. Go for a slow build. Slow and steady wins the amazing orgasm race!
 
Switch it up –- Whenever you think you might come, do something else. Sexually, I mean. Don't get up and feverishly scribble out your thesis paper or bake a batch of banana bread. Whenever something feels really awesome, then do something else so your body backs down from its heightened pleasure point and is forced to rebuild. 
 
That sounds sort of cruel but the mega explosive orgasm will be worth it, I promise. This is why edging takes practice. At first (and second, third, fourth) you might be like “Aw, fuck this,” and just let yourself go to orgasm. Don't beat yourself up about it -- either way, if you're orgasming, you're winning. Try again next time.
 
I think every dude I slept with in college were members of some sort of online forum where this cease and desist trick was being taught, as I have seen many employ it in order to avoid coming too quickly. You think you're in a nice groove, and then all of a sudden they're pulling out and flipping you over. And just when THAT is starting to feel good, they are changing course again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
 
This type of relay sex may be frustrating if you're trying to head straight for orgasm and your partner has sexual ADHD (“I said DON'T stop, dammit.”), but you can go ahead and borrow it when you're working on edging. Just be sure you're actually close to orgasm before you switch it up.
 
Banter -– I know earlier I said it's best to practice edging with someone you're super cozy with so that you know their body, but even then, a little verbalization is often needed. I like to try and be tactful so as to not ruin the mood. I love a little warning (“I'm gonna come...”) but I once slept with a guy who used to shout I'M COMING as he was coming. Dude... I know...I can see. 
 
Later a girlfriend slept with the same guy and we cross-referenced cum tales and apparently this was just a thing he did. So, if you're trying to edge with a friend and are close to coming and want them to stop what they're doing but don't want to seem over aggressive (unless you like that) try a breathy little “Tease me,” or “Don't let me come yet.”
 
Or just move their hand/face/sex organ away for a little while and do something else. Physical cues can be as strong as verbal. And of course, if you're trying to tease them, ask them to give you the same hints so you can make the experience better for everyone involved.
 
Say it with me: Lube –- I think I profess my love for lube every time I write about sex; I would create a lube shrine in my apartment if I didn't think my roommates would kindly ask me to move out. Edging sessions take a long time, and I think we can all agree that the opposite of coming might very well be chafing. My favorite lube, since you asked, is Maximus...it's marketed as an anal lube because it has a gel-like long consistency and lasts forever, but I like to think of it as an equal opportunity lube and use it to cushion  any and all friction. Plus it's British!
 
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“My Friday night.”

 
When I first started having orgasms, I was just so excited to be coming at all that I was never really concerned with quality. Since then, I have become a smidge more sexually entitled. If I am going to come, shouldn't it be epic? Shouldn't it be like, the Odyssey of orgasms?
 
When trying to get my boyfriend off, I'd like every orgasm I help him achieve to be incredible. I never want him to come and be like “Oh...well..that was sorta meh. But A for effort. Pat, pat.” I like to think he is also concerned with the quality of my orgasms, but just in case, I've got my own back. And you should too!
 
Have you ever tried edging? What did you think? Fun or frustrating? Any other ways you achieve super deluxe orgasms? Do you name your sex toys after their celebrity doppelgangers?
 
Zoe is working on a collection of 140-character love letters to Bruce Willis on Twitter @SexyTofuBlog
Posted in Sex, orgasms, edging