Should I Make A Joke About 'Dirty Pillows' Here?

AKA This is a post about sexy linens. (And my private business, as usual.)

Jun 8, 2011 at 4:03pm | Leave a comment

Which do I like better, sleeping or sexing? It's a question for the ages, one I face each night as I decide whether or not to insert my mouthguard before dropping my head in the crook of my long-term partner's arm. It requires a careful read of the bedtime mood: the wrong choice and he could end up running his tongue sexily along its outer edge (ew!) or I could fall asleep without it and risk grinding my teeth to tiny nubs (equally ew). 

Luckily, we have managed to come up with a creative solution to the sleep/sex dilemma -- sleepy sex, in which I leave my head on the pillow and open my mouth while he thrusts lazily. Or, even less labor-intensive, moan erotically while he takes matters into his own hands, then offer up my derriere as a landing pad, which coincidentally does not require me to move from my prone position.

If I haven't just turned you off sex and/or love, my real point is that I love these sexy sheets from new company Vice Merchants, featuring the work of artist/possible pervert Miriam Carothers. They come in taupe or pink, and are 400 Thread Count, which means nothing to me. But there are ladies doing stuff on them!

Supposedly a wider launch is planned, but for now the above is Vice Merchant's only product, so if you haven't had your fill of dirty pillows (there it is!), you should visit Sin In Linen, where I purchased this pin-up girl sheet set, photographed in murky guest room light.

I bought them originally to make boys think I was cool and adventurous and now they are enjoyed by out-of-town visitors like my mother and my boyfriend's college-age newphew.

And if neither of these is excruciatingly awkward enough for you, you can go on Amazon, purveryor of the world's sexiest items, and purchase this "Sheets Gone Wild" linen set/sex game, so lovingly reviewed by Alexa from California:

The material is soft, very very soft like a silk but this is a cotton -- very breathable. The pictures with 35 positions are onlyon one sheet, on the cover, that one under comforter, so don't worry, there is no any provocative picture on the pillows or sheet on the mattress. If you have children, you can simply take the picture sheet off and put it back in other time without any kid in house. All positions are real. i mean, you can do all of them...there is no risky position where you can brake leg or hand or back. Very enjoyable product. Thank you! You will not find it in the store. I tried and I gave up.

Alexa, I am very concerned about both you and your children! Please do not attempt anything during sex that puts you at risk of breaking your leg, hand or back.