OPEN THREAD: What's The Most Mood Killing Thing Your Partner Has Said To You In Bed?

"Baby batter injection" is not sexy talk.
Publish date:
January 28, 2014
open thread, sex stories, unsexy, Sex,

Ed's a funny dude, right? He cracks me up all the time. We laugh a lot -- and we laugh a lot in bed, too.

Yeah, I mean "in bed" euphemistically for "when we're having sex."

But every now and then -- and Ed has said I can share this with you -- things go horribly wrong. The other night he made a crack about a baby batter injection and I had to leave the room because I was so incapable of dealing.

During my self-imposed time out, I emailed the other xoJaners to share my horror. And, to my relief and amusement, they had their own tales of mid-coitus woe. These are all anonymous because they're all way more into dignity than I am. And so, a short list:

  • "Love marinade."
  • "Wanna chow down on that?" while he pointed at his crotch.
  • "I've wanted this for so long." -- dude I realized was actually a stalker.
  • "Wait for it....wait for it...." while fingering me. WHAT WAS I WAITING FOR?!
  • "How do you feel about abortion?" while the dude was inside.
  • "I bet your vagina feels so hot and amazing right now." while she had a 103-degree fever.
  • "Did you take taxes out of that freelance check you just cashed?"

Talk about romance.

I will say that one editor refused to share because (she says) she's just too proper. But oversharing is the xoJane way, don't you think? So come on, y'all -- what's the least sexy, most mood killing thing a partner has ever said to YOU in bed?