My Dream Penis Is Pretty Large

I'm not actually sure what any of the penis dreams mean -- I've never put much effort into dream interpretation. Freud would, I'm sure, have a field day, but Freud needed to get out more.

Jan 4, 2012 at 3:00pm | Leave a comment

So, last night, I dreamed I had a penis.

This isn't actually the first time I've had this dream -- I tend toward recurring dreams anyway. In fact, I've had the same dream about being chased across a mesa by herbivorous dinosaurs since I was a really little kid.

Yeah, I have no idea what that one means either.

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Anyway. Sometimes I dream I have a dick. I'm still me, mostly. Sometimes I'm not entirely myself. Last night I was a 1950s type, in a retro-modern setting. I was wearing an awesome white dress, totally mod, with a full circle skirt. I was so femme. My hair was pinned up and even hours later, I can almost identify the perfume I was wearing.

Seriously, if I had half the fashion awake as I did in dreams, I'd so be rocking the style world.

In my dream, I had a date, who was a dude, and we went for a drive. At which point he gave me a handjob. I do not remember if he was driving a stick or an automatic. Either way, I'm glad there wasn't very much traffic because driving one-handed while stroking off your passenger is not actually recommended by any DMV I know. Thanks for not wrecking your very lovely convertible (powder blue), dream date!

He wasn't my boyfriend in the dream, and now that I'm awake, I don't even remember his name. Sorry dream dude. You were a lovely person, it's not you, it's me. And also I'm married and you're a figment of my imagination so it would never work out.

I'm not actually sure what any of the penis dreams mean -- I've never put much effort into dream interpretation. Freud would, I'm sure, have a field day, but Freud needed to get out more. No matter how it should be interpreted, it was a very pleasant dream. As you might imagine -- I mean, a handjob is a handjob. It's nice.

My dream-cock is pretty sensitive. I'm actually kind of disappointed that I've never had any sort of orgasm with it, and when I wake up, I don't feel any particular arousal. It's all contained within the dream. Maybe it's a lack of imagination, because I have no frame of reference for male ejaculation? I don't entirely buy that.

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At one point, in the dream, my date and I came back to this house where a fancy dress party was going on. I think that's where we met and left from to go on our drive. (Apparently me-with-a-dream-penis is a me who is willing to ditch parties to get it on in a moving vehicle. Which, I mean, awake-me is that type, anyway.)

When we came back, I still had a dream erection, and when I sat down to talk to someone, I had to figure out what to do with it -- the dream penis kept poking up and ruining the line of my very stylish skirt. Also, I was totally put out because I was worried about getting wet spots on the inside of my skirt. Satin lining, y'all. Which, I have to be honest, felt nice. Like I said, sensitive.

There's a lot to like about these dreams. I have a lot of very vivid nightmares, so it's actually just really freaking nice to have a dream that feels good instead of like a Japanese horror video game. The sexual arousal I feel in dreams with a dream penis is actually really different to the way I experience arousal as an awake cis woman. It's different, but it's a whole lot of fun.

And as awkward as the dream penis can be to manuever, it's also kind of fun to experience something that is kind of outside of myself. Though I suppose it isn't really outside of myself, since it's springing from my own dream state. Outside of my usual experience, maybe? It's fun to have a dream penis is what I'm trying to say.

If I didn't like penises, this would probably be way more traumatic. But I do -- they're interesting. Sometimes ridiculous (which, I mean, a lot of sex is very funny). If my gender identity were up in the air, I think this would probably be a much more difficult dream to process.

I've only told one or two people about these dreams -- and they both thought I was the strangest person on the planet. It's all very natural in my dreams; there's never any surprise that I have a penis (and testicles, it's the whole package, so to speak). It's just the junk that I happened to have. And I've never dreamed about actually being male -- always some femme version of me with a dick.

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When I woke up after my penis dream, I was warm and comfortable in my bed. My husband and dog were both snoring, and I was kind of clinging to the edge of the bed (the dog likes to steal the covers and as much space between us as possible). I wasn't jarred awake and there was no moment of not knowing what I have between my legs. I wasn't sad not to have a penis.

These aren't the strangest dreams I've ever had, at least not by my reckoning. But I do wonder if anyone else ever dreams anything similar. (And I promise not to compare our dream cock size.)