Are Your Areolae the "Wrong" Size?

I guess some people never found their stepdad's cache of 1970s porn.

May 21, 2012 at 3:00pm | Leave a comment

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Is one of these areolae more attractive than the other, or are they both creepy because they are crocheted?

When I saw this discussion thread, entitled, "Have any of you ever had your areolas surgically resized?" I was a little alarmed. Check it:

"I have smaller breasts, but larger nipples and have always hated the way it looks when they're soft, honestly it makes me feel so self-conscious. I would really, really like to have the cosmetic surgery to have them resized, but I'm afraid that then I'd fall into that slippery slope of surgical enhancements, and that's not what I want at all. Anways, I guess I just wanted to find out from someone who has done this, what was the procedure like? Were you happy with your results?"

This is going to sound totally naive, but I seriously had no idea that people might want to have surgery to change the size of their areolae.

Areolae the size of dinner plates? I did not think this was a problem. But apparently some people do. I’m assuming that most of these people are women, though now that I know about this, I’m sure there are some men out there who feel similarly insecure about this part of their bodies.

My areolae are pretty big, I think. I don’t know. (OK, I just measured them, they are about 2 ½” diameter, give or take; the left and right are not quite the same size.) But I’ve never had a guy complain; in my experience, men are just so enamored of the general size of mah bewbz that my areolae are probably the least of their concerns.

But I get it, this feeling uncomfortable with areas that really, are completely normal. There are things about my body that I say I do not give a frak about, but I actually do. Like my FUPA (though I prefer to call it a “pooch” because that sounds a lot cuter that way), or my stretch marks, which I’ve had since I was like, 10 years old and which were compounded by pregnancy. 

Or my 34DD breasts on my 5’4” frame, which have engaged way too many strange men in conversation for my liking (my eyes; they’re UP HERE, dudes), and make me uncomfortable sometimes, but which I flaunt anyway, because, well. I don’t know why, OK? They’re there, may as well get some use out of the damn things.

I’ve considered breast reduction surgery, but ultimately decided that I can live with never owning a really pretty, delicate bra in exchange for not experiencing the pain and healing time of major elective surgery.

Look, to me, the size or shape of your breasts and their back-up band (areolae and nipples) are just like everything else that Is Human. Meaning, there is a whole lotta normal out there, and the field is pretty freaking wide.

But some women do not feel this way -- some women think they are freaks and will refuse to let their partners see their breasts. I’m guessing these same women did not find their stepdad’s cache of 1970s porn in the basement when they were 14 and thus did not get to see that women’s breasts do, in fact, come in many different shapes and sizes, and that most straight men love boobs, including those featuring huge areolae.

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This high-quality program was on the television one evening and I documented its existence with my photographic device.

I guess I feel the same way about areolae resizing as I do about vagina lightening: it’s silly, and you shouldn’t do it just because you think guys care about that one part of your body. In my experience, guys DO NOT CARE.

 At the same time, however, I feel like if something is making you uncomfortable and getting that thing “fixed” is what it will take to boost your confidence and make you feel hot, you should do it. We alter our appearances in all sorts of ways in order to feel more attractive, and no one thinks twice about us having our nails done, applying make-up every morning, or dying our hair. Aside from the fact that it is major, invasive surgery, why should a woman altering her body through plastic surgery be any different?

One commenter in that discussion thread linked to this great site with non-sexualized images of different types of normal breasts (NOT safe for work, unless your office is totally cool with you staring at pictures of tits). There is such a variety here, it is a veritable treasure chest (see what I did there?) of boobs. If more women with areola-insecurity viewed images like this, maybe they would realize that there is, in fact, nothing wrong with their bodies. 

Do you feel insecure about the size of your areolae? Would you ever have surgery? Has a sexual partner ever commented on your breasts negatively, thus crushing my theory that all men love boobs, no matter the size?