Jane Thinks Everybody's Husband Is Gay

Go ahead and ask Jane a question, but be aware that her answer is probably going to be that your husband is gay.
Publish date:
April 5, 2011
homosexuality, jane radio, gay husbands

We've had the interns sifting through advice segments from Jane's radio show, and a distinct pattern has emerged: Jane thinks everybody's husband is gay. Read the transcript below for a prime example -- how did she even get from point A to point B here? We've included the audio, because Jane says you can totally tell he's gay if you listen to the call.

She's nuts, right?

From an episode of Jane Radio, July 16, 2010

Heather: I’ve been married 13 years, have a 6 year old, for the last 5 years my husband, who’s a military officer by the way, has become very different. I married this very fun-loving, generous, super romantic guy. We got to the point where there’s not even eye-contact. We’re walking a foot to get around each other. We’re emotionally distant and angry all the time. He’s currently deployed, but right before he left we separated.

Jane: When you separated before he left who was the one who wanted it, or did you both want it?

Heather: No, I told him to leave and figure it out. Of course, he came back and said everything’s fine. He didn’t know why there was distance, but it would change. During his deployment he said he had abandoned me emotionally and he was sorry. He said he was working on it. I don’t know if I can trust him. I don’t know if this is just talk. If we talk on the phone it’s the same hi, how are you? Tried, nothing new. It’s different in email. I’m very wary of this whole situation.

Jane: Ok, I’m going to say you are correct in not trusting him. When he came back and said that he had abandoned you emotionally, I feel like he was telling you part of the truth. Not the whole entire truth about the ways that he had abandoned you. I think it’s possible he went with someone else.

Heather: He says no. I pretty much knew where he was the whole time. He’s not the type of person who goes out and I don’t have any proof that he has.

Jane: Something did change there. I’m going from my own experience and the things I’m picking up from you. I’m thinking something changed and it could be, is there any possibility that there are questions about his sexuality? That he may have felt attraction to men?

Heather: I don’t know. I actually asked him that at one point because I was so desperate for an answer. He thought it was ridiculous, but I was pulling at straws trying to figure out what the issue was because I didn’t know what was going on. His excuse at this point is that he thinks he just did too much during deployment, lost confidence, and is angry and blaming me for everything.

Jane: When you asked him if he was attracted to men did it seem like the hair on the back of his neck stood up and his shoulders tensed up?

Heather: Yep

Jane: You hit a weak spot there. Being in the military, is a very easy way for a guy to have as much sex with men as he wants. It happens all the time.

Heather: It does. I just didn’t expect that from him.

Jane: I’ve been there and done that where I thought, “wow, I didn’t expect that from this one.” I’m not saying that is absolutely what happened, but you are on the right track with that thinking. That’s not something that’s your job to figure out--his sexuality. Your job is to only make yourself happy and take care of yourself. Trust your instincts. Tell him to explore whatever he needs to explore, find himself however he needs to find himself, and that you are going to take care of your own self and you may or may not be there when he’s done with his exploration.