It Happened to Me: I'm a Lesbian Pillow Princess

You only get what you give? Not if you're me!
Publish date:
December 8, 2011
lesbians, college, craigslist, anonymous sex, M

OK, technically I'm a bisexual pillow princess.

My primary partners are men. But when I'm with a guy, I reciprocate, so I'm as much as a full-PP as I am a full lesbian. Plus "lesbian" looks so much better in a headline, don't you think?My first lesbian experience (if you don't count humping my best friend from elementary school) was something of a legend among my college acquaintances. There was this senior girl named "Kelly" (who has since gone on to model), a tattooed badass who was rumored to be a monster in the sack. Black hair, blue eyes, perfect boobs.At a party, her best guy friend drunkenly told the room that Kelly thought I was cute. I'd never been with a girl before, although I exclusively masturbated to lesbian porn, but I was both flattered and turned on. Emboldened by beers and wet panties, I told him to hook it up.He did. The next week, I "randomly" bumped into Kelly on campus (read: learned her schedule and followed her around) and she "randomly" invited me to her room later than night for a beer.

I was totally freaked. After I showered, I kept compulsively putting my hand in my panties to make sure I smelled okay (something I haven't done with guys, incidentally). Sitting on her bed, I sipped a High Life and tried to make small talk (definitely said something dumb about her Radiohead poster), until she put her hand on my mouth and told me to shut up. Then she kissed me.

Sexiest. Thing. Ever.

If it sounds like the stuff of cheap porn, it was, except for the fact that one of the actresses would have to be literally trembling out of lesbian-virginity-fear.

We made out, and finally, reluctantly, I took my clothes off (long after we'd already undressed her, because I'm that awkward). I could barely enjoy myself for all the This is happening, this is happening, I have a girl's breast in my mouth I was doing in my head.And then she went down on me.For an hour.Or at least it felt like it. I don't think I've ever done that thing where you beg somebody to stop giving you orgasms, but I had to. She laughed, stopped, and then coyly lay back, which was my cue to flip her and start kissing my way down her stomach. Which is when I did a horrible thing.I left.It wasn't out of rudeness, I swear. Normally I'm all about reciprocity when it comes to head, but I was so terrified of doing it wrong or being bad that I made something up about having to "get back" because I had an "early class" while she stared at me in disbelief."You can sleep over, you know," Kelly said, frustration straining her voice. Poor thing."Uh, I shouldn't," I said, pulling my dress over my head. And I went back to my room, without so much as a peck goodbye. I still can't believe I did that.Needless to say, word got around that she and I had hooked up and that I'd left her hanging, which had the odd effect of giving me folk-heroine status.

Kelly called me a "pillow princess," and henceforth, I was one. It was like some sort of movie conceit where the hero is mistaken for a celebrity and gets to ride in a limo and stay in a fancy hotel because of it.

From then on, girls who hooked up with me thought of me as the straight girl who liked to be predated on by big bad lesbian wolves. It was awesome -- they tended to be aggressive types who got off on the idea that I was reluctant to let a girl touch me.

Couldn't be further from the truth. But as somebody who's not submissive in real life and has dealt with years of "Okay, I guess it's time for sex" seductions, it was nice -- and white hot -- to be cajoled into sex. It's much, much harder to meet women who want to convince you to let them eat you out after college. I'm not out, there's not a good lesbian bar in my town, and it's hard to meet somebody for a one-night stand that you preface with, "By the way, I'm not doing anything to you." (Doesn't work with men OR women.)

Is it selfish? Well, okay, in the case of Kelly it was. But I let the rest of the women I sleep with know what they're getting into. If it helps, it's not the cruelty of blue-clitting somebody that appeals to me, it's just the aspect of being "attended" to like pillow royalty. Plus, women who don't care about "their turn" because they get off on giving head are usually really good at it and very enthusiastic.I get most of my hookups through the Internet (which is a nightmare, if you're a girl trolling for no-strings sex with other girls), where I often clearly state that I'm there to get, not give.

Here's how it works. I look for bi and gay girls on dating sites who are open to casual sex, then present myself as a curious mostly straight girl and drop the pillow princess bomb if she seems flirty and interested.

If I use Craigslist, I have to deal with loads of male creeps and have to voice-verify to make sure they're girls, but I can also state in my ad exactly what these girls are in for.

She hosts or we go someplace to have sex -- but never my place, because I need to be able to make my abrupt exit. (Bars with locking unisex bathrooms are great for this -- so I guess I'm also a "standup up against tile" princess. People are shockingly okay with waiting in line while two girls fuck.)I answer and place more ads than lead to actual hookups, but there are enough women out there willing to do this that I've done it a handful of times. Some of these women have been insanely hot. Some of them are gay, some are bi, and some of them are in relationships with men who don't know that they meet women on the Internet for sex.

The best part is that if it turns out I'm not attracted to a girl in person, I can just close my eyes and pretend I am while she does her thing. It's a weird combination of submitting and being serviced that I find intensely sexy.Occasionally, I'll crack in the moment and reciprocate. (Although I also like getting them to the point where they're forced to get themselves off while I'm getting my boots on.)

It's not that I don't like going down on women. I do. But I'm not dating them, and I don't think I would want to have my fetish corrupted by caring for somebody enough to give back.

Judge me if you must, but plenty of folks are selfish in bed without any warning. At least in my situation, everybody goes in with their eyes open. At least until it gets really good.