I’m Sexually Attracted To A Man I Knew As A Boy And I Don’t Feel That Dirty About It

Wanting to bone a guy I’ve seen trick or treating? That was a bit too pervy even for me.

Mar 12, 2013 at 5:00pm | Leave a comment

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A few years ago, I paid a visit to the block in West Philly that I grew up on. I hadn’t been there in what felt like ions and paying a visit to the community that helped to raise me was long overdue. I had four unofficial grandmothers, after all, who all lived in the space between the two light posts where I was allowed to roam without adult supervision.    
 
I was in for an afternoon filled with nothing but, “Oh sweet Jesus, you look just like your mother” and comments about my breasts and height, despite the fact that I’ve been as buxom and as tall since puberty. I expected all of that, and the elder women of Catherine Street did not disappoint.
 
What I did not expect, however, was Derek.
 
Derek was one of my girlfriend’s little brothers, a scraggily little runt seven years our junior whose sole mission in life was to sabotage our Double Dutch competitions. 
 
But when I saw him on his front porch that day he wasn’t scraggily anymore, and he was no longer a runt.  And he damn sure wasn’t little.   
 
What was he? Well I can describe him in 2 words: Hubba. Hubba.

He walked up to me and I collected myself, knowing how unapproachable I must have looked with my jaw slammed into the sidewalk and all. And then, in the deepest voice I’ve ever heard Derek said, “Damn.  Where’ve you been hiding, gorgeous?”
 
Gorgeous? Oh, word? “Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy.”
 
Shayla, stop it! The last time you saw Derek he was in his Power Ranger’s Halloween costume. You and your friend use to watch him while his mother made trips to the corner store. You can’t possibly be attracted to this man. Can you? Well my vagina sure seemed to think so.
 
“Stop being a stranger,” he said. “You should come around more often. Maybe we can go do something.”
 
Good gracious Lord, was this man hitting on me? This shit is getting weird. Play it cool, Shayla. Play it cool.
 
“Do something? Boy, please. Are you even 18 yet?” I could accept weird, but I draw the line at illegal.
 
“I’m 20.”
 
OK, yeah. Weird. Let’s go right on ahead and get weird up in here. No! Let’s not.  
 
“Derek, no. I use to keep my eye on you while your mom went to go get cigarettes.”
 
“Well keep your eye on me now,” he said. And then he winked at me.
 
And then I left Catherine Street never to return again. Why? Because, at the time, I had yet to resolve my shame about being sexually attracted to a man I knew as a child. Wanting to bone a guy I’ve seen trick or treating?  That was a bit too pervy even for me.
 
But as time went on, I realized that Derek wasn’t the only man that I was attracted to, despite knowing of their prepubescent selves.There are also musicians like Bow Wow and Romeo, both rappers who dropped the “lil” from their names once they became grown ass men.
 
I was a fan of Lil Bow Wow’s. A child rapper? What an adorable idea. He was all of 11 years old at the height of his career, using his high pitched voice to rap about the Mickey Mouse chain he wore around his neck. Isn’t that precious? But now, Bow Wow ain’t so lil’ no more. He’s 23 years old and brings women on stage to simulate cunnilingus during live performances.
 
And then there’s the artist formerly known as Lil Romeo. I didn’t know much about his career when he was a boy, except for the fact that he’s Master P’s son and owned a Mercedes four years before he was old enough to drive it. 
 
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Romeo then. Wook at that wittle face.

 
All I know is that right now, today, that man is foin. No, not fine. Foooin. In fact, he’s so foin that I don’t have one iota of guilt about all the nasty little thoughts about him that are currently trying to distract me from finishing this sentence. 
 
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Romeo now. You're welcome.

 
But what if the roles were reversed? There are lots of men who have married women that they knew as little girls. The sick bastards. How could they? Well, pretty easily now that I think about it. 
 
I am in no way attracted to children, nor have I ever been, and Derek, Bow Wow, and Romeo are no exception.  I wasn’t attracted to them years ago when they were boys. I’m attracted to them now that they’re men. Hot, sexy, legally-able-to-consent men. 
 
And even though Derek and I never did go "do something," I know, if we did, it wouldn't have been anything wrong with it. Because Derek is a grown ass man and I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about…right? 
Posted in Sex, boys, men, lil' romeo, sexy