Do You Have A "Type"?

I'm strictly talking physical attributes here.

Aug 2, 2013 at 10:30am | Leave a comment

Recently I realized that basically all of the men I find physically attractive could easily be related to one another. I realized that, yes, I indeed have a type. I also realized that I would like a harem of brother-husbands that all eerily look alike, who will follow me around and tell me I'm pretty. Both of these realizations are totally normal, thanks.

The final realization in this string of realizations was that I also have things that I am definitely not attracted to. I'm not talking personality quirks (yes to: sense of humor, nice to animals and the elderly, no to: bad tippers, curmudgeons) but strictly physical attributes. There are those that make me shrug indifferently and mumble "Next!" under my breath, and those that make me slowly nod my head, tent my fingers like Mr. Burns and creepily grimace. Because that's how you attract the opposite sex, right? By scaring them?

Anyway, what I'm saying is, I've got a type. You've probably got a type too. I'm here to talk about mine, and then you can tell me about yours, preferably with pictures, because everyone likes to look at attractive people.

And maybe what I find attractive might make you yawn, so you'll feel an overwhelming urge to share with me what you find beautiful. Because, y'know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and blah blah blah. That means there's something for everyone! And isn't that a comforting thought?

Also, I want to know if any of you ever date against your type. Or maybe you don't even have a type, and you're open to everyone (this is intriguing to me).

My friend Anne and I were talking recently about the dudes we like and we realized that we will never, ever fight over men, because she finds my crushes to be mostly terrifying, whereas I find hers to look like exotic cats (Benedict Cumberbatch: decidedly not my type, but totally Anne's type.)

So here's my type, in a nutshell: dark curly hair, light eyes, prominent nose, jawline that can cut glass, a tendency towards scruff but not crazy beards (unless it's Joaquin during the "I'm Still Here"-era, which I can forgive), strong arms and juuuust the right amount of chest hair.

Yes, I like 'em "tall, dark, and handsome." I'm not typically attracted to blonde dudes. Unless they're Paul Newman, but let's be real here because: dat face and also, his hair was more of a dirty blonde, ok?! AND IT'S PAUL NEWMAN. He's in another league.

I've also included "diagrams" (they're just pictures of hot dudes) to illustrate what I'm talking about for those of you who can't picture it or perhaps can't read?

image

Quick, someone write the Hollywood script where they play a gang of sexy brothers.

[CW from top left: Henry Cavill, Richard Madden, Hugh Dancy, Jamie Dornan, Joaquin "My Life Partner" Phoenix.]

Now here's where I admit that this article was just an excuse for me to look at attractive humans. Also, if you know anyone who looks like these dudes, you should probably drop me a line.

Your turn!