For the Record, Fat Women Totally Get Laid, Too

What really offends me about the Ashley Madison "scary wife" ads is the perpetuation of the silly myth that fat women don't get laid.
Publish date:
November 2, 2011
fat, advertising, body, cheating, bbws, ashley madison, M

I caught a quick glimpse of this super-dumb Ashley Madison ("Life is short. Have an affair.") ad on the back of someone's paper on the subway yesterday, but forgot all about it until I saw this Jezebel piece about it.

So the ad, for married dating service Ashley Madison, features a BBW all dudded up and ready for sexy time, along with the headline "Did Your Wife Scare You Last Night?" Get it? Cause your wife is fat, so you need to go to Ashley Madison and have an affair. Now, this is obviously offensive to fat women, and you know, women and anyone with a brain that is not all teensy and pea-sized (sorry Brontosauri). Jezebel covered that.

But what really offends me about the whole thing is the perpetuation of the silly myth that fat women don't get laid. I'm willing to bet that a goodly proportion of Ashley Madison's female users are women of size who are freaking inundated with offers for easy, casual sex in whatever form they most desire it.

Yes, there are many, many men who are attracted to fat women. There is BBW porn; there are BBW porn stars. When I used to post ads in Craigslist Casual Encounters, not only were there scores of "Seeking BBW" ads, but there were lots of ads specifically from married men seeking to have an affair with a fat woman. If you look at Craigslist as a sort of playground for uncensored desire, it becomes pretty evident that sexual preferences take many forms, and that there are just as surely men with thin wives seeking fat extramarital partners as there are the other way around.

And these are just the men who are visible because they are specifically seeking larger women -- plenty of other men are simply open to a wide range of body types and capable of finding many different kinds of women attractive.

So the whole "fleeing from the arms of my scary fat wife" gag isn't even just offensive, it's not real. Because one man's scary fat wife is another man's hot fat mistress.

And lest you think I am speaking out of turn, please remember that I used to be over 100 pounds overweight, and I had men begging to sex me, even at my biggest. Being fat never stopped me from getting laid.

Men who cheat usually aren't doing so because they're no longer attracted to their wives. And they're definitely not doing so because they want to have sex with someone more conventionally attractive than their current partners. That's why you always hear people talking about how much better-looking Public Figure X's wife is than his mistress. Because cheating is so much more likely to be about intimacy, chemistry and feeling desired and wanted than trying to have sex with the best-looking person you can find. Cheating is sometimes about fulfilling a need that isn't being met in the primary relationship, but that need is rarely for abs you can flip a quarter on.

The point is that there are surely plenty of women who look like the model in the ad who are using Ashley Madison and similar sex and dating sites to meet more than willing sexual partners. In fact, a more appropriate headline for that ad might be: "Did your husband reject you last night? Try Ashley Madison."