Until this year I had never dated anyone with a foot fetish. Now I wonder if I have, and you weenies were just too scared to tell me. Foot fetishism is reportedly the most common fetish, and as someone I dated – open with his fondness for feet – explained to me, “When I talk about feet a lot of my guy friends admit they are turned on by them too, they are just too scared to admit it to girls, or especially to ask for a footjob.”
I was a little self-conscious about my feet until told otherwise. They are long and skinny, I wear a size 9 or 10, and my toes are what I describe as “peanut toes.” One is rather crooked from an old break that happened in college. I had been out bowling (I went to school in the middle of nowhere in North Carolina, there was not a lot to do) and the bartender at the bowling alley kept giving us these murky, poop green concoctions she called “bong water.” They had the alcohol content of a Long Island Iced Tea. When I got home I stubbed my toe so badly my boyfriend at the time found me sitting on the couch, legs straight out and said “Sophie…your toe pointing in the wrong direction” so we went to the ER. I had to hobble around in a bootie for months. It turned out the first doctor set it incorrectly, so I had to have it re-broken, which sucked, but at least meant more pain pills. I was depressed through much of my time in college (which the opiates worsened in retrospect) so was morbidly thankful my injury gave me an excuse to stay in bed high on Oxycodone rather than go to dumb frat parties.
Yet even with my bent right toe, I received lovely compliments from you delightful foot-fetishists, apparently my long toes would be very useful giving a footjob. It makes sense, I’m great with my toes, I can use them to open doors, pick up things, and freak people out by how far I can spread them apart. Such flexibility and grip could also be applied in giving a footjob. Toes don’t have to be perfectly straight to be sexy. As one reader emailed me, “I like the look and feel of soles, especially wrinkled and scrunched up toes. I’m not sure why, but I just find feet beautiful and pretty amazing.”
It was my OkCupid stint this year that introduced me personally to men with foot fetishes. A real estate agent we’ll call NewYorker82 who I never ended up actually hooking up with, but gave my number after exchanging a string of messages texted me, “So what turns you on in men?”
Sophie: “Hmm, an open mind, a sense of adventure, blah blah, bullshit bullshit.”
NewYorker82: “No, I mean physically.”
Sophie: “Oh. Well I’ve dated all types of people blah blah bullshit bullshit it’s more about someone’s energy, but I guess I like nice hair, it’s fun to play and pull on, what about you?”
NewYorker82: “I like feet (embarrassed emoticon) will you send me a photo of yours?”
I am so happy to have quit internet dating.
A man I actually dated, who was awesomely open about his kinks, including a foot fetish, described that for him, the turn on had to do with the assumed dirtiness of feet, they are what we walk around on all day, the very bottom of our body. It’s taboo, and taboo = turn on. Upon request, or if he was having a bad day to cheer him up, I would text him photos of my feet. Once while lying on his couch, I decided to go for it, and started rubbing my feet on his crotch. No actual footjob took place, it was just a bit of foreplay, as he became so aroused by the touch of my feet we just started having sex.
That relationship ended for a plethora of reasons, so I hate to disappoint anyone, but I have never actually given a full-on footjob. I texted my current boyfriend “I need to give you a footjob for research for an article this weekend xo” but due to recent injury the attempt wasn’t 100% successful, although we did have a fun trying and laughing. (The other morning when groggy up at 6AM to be an extra in a film as a favor for a friend, I stubbed the same toe I broke in college. A week later it is still swollen and hurts to move. I should probably get it looked at.)
Despite my limited experience, here is my humble advice on exploring foot fetishes. Foot massages are incredible, so start there. I think everyone should give and receive foot rubs. To take it a step further, kiss and suck on toes, both during foreplay, and lifting and wrapping your legs around your partner’s shoulders as they penetrate you so they may kiss and lick them during sex. If you’re ready to really get into it, start by gliding your feet up and down your partner’s shaft. Using lube or massage oil, to venture into a complete footjob, use the grip of your toes as you would your fingers with a handjob, or push the soles of your feet together and slide them up and down, and try alternating methods. It will probably be a bit awkward your first time, finding the right position, foot cramps, but laugh it off and have fun with the experience. A great position is to sit across from them, naked, so they may see and admire your body while you play. Oh, and unless your partner is turned on by smelliness, just make sure you’ve showered somewhat recently. Some men speak of perfectly pedicured toes, but I think it’s okay if your nail polish is slightly chipped. (Who got time for that shit?)
Recently I wrote about the importance of honesty regarding monogamy. Broadly I’m a firm believer in honesty in all aspects of a relationship. Give it to me straight (unless you are a beautiful dark-haired tattooed woman, then give it to me gay) even if it upsets me. Of course everyone is entitled to a level of privacy, but I would so much rather get to know and love all aspects of my partner, both the good and the grimy. If you’re not open with your foot fetish, or whatever turns you on with your lover, how will you ever explore or experience them together? Hiding sexual desires can lead to resentment, distance, and cheating. Another reader emailed me he had heard the words “freak” and “disgusting” when talking about foot fetishes. To that dear reader, fuck em’, those just aren’t the right women for you. Continue to be your true self with those you trust, and one day you will find your princess, and she will let you lovingly let you kiss her toes until the sun comes up.
Reprinted with permission from The Style Con. Want more?