A Love Letter To Your Vagina (Yes, You!)

You look great, you're shaped great, you smell great. You're a great size and a great color. I love you.

Sep 14, 2012 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

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I luv u

Hey, you.

I see you out there, coddled in silk and cotton, tucked inside skirts and pants, or just flapping in the breeze as it ruffles your hair. Or maybe you don't have any hair, or just a little tuft of hair like a newborn baby, or maybe you have a Hello Kitty face or your boo's initials shaved in there. I don't know all of you specifically. But I do know this: You're all just fine.

You see, I received a letter recently from a woman who was concerned that her vulva might be "too fat."  "I had sex with my bf for the first time a couple of weeks ago and he couldn't orgasm. I'm fat and have really puffy lips," she said. "Is my bf not orgasming because I'm too big or he's too small?" HA HA HA, I laughed to myself, and thought in a Wonka-like tone, "DEAR GIRL, There's nothing wrong with your VAGINA at all."

I have a fat vagina, and I can tell you from personal experience that it's adorable! My vagina looks like a chubby little puffer fish. In fact, a vagina is a lot like one of those exotic puffer fish that might suddenly grow spikes or shoot some sort of toxic goo in your face. It's got all these folds and pockets. It's like a museum -- you could spend all day in there and never see everything. Vaginas are AMAZING! They can shoot out babies, hide cocaine, store light snacks on long trips.

Specifically, you (the vagina reading this) are great. You look great, you're shaped great, you smell great. You're a great size and a great color. I love you.

I am adressing this letter to fat vaginas, thin vaginas, white vaginas, pink vaginas, brown vaginas, big vaginas, small vaginas, wet vaginas, dry vaginas, bumpy vaginas, vaginas with big floppy labia and vaginas that are sort of closed up like a clamshell, vaginas that ejaculate and vaginas that just want to be left alone. Vaginas with stuff in them and empty vaginas. Hoo has and beavers and boxes and coochies and chochas and fannies and cunts and yes I realize it's actually called a vulva and minges and muffs and twats and snatches, glorious snatches. You're all warm and cozy and would make excellent places for a baby animal to curl up and take a nap. I'm so excited just thinking about you!

And just because the only vaginas most of us ever see are Phoshopped and Liabiaplastyed until they look like hairless Yoda cats (also a lovely kind of vagina, but really, some diversity) doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with beautiful, wonderful you. Why, anyone would be delighted to see you! I'd like to line you all up in a beautiful vagina rainbow, like hands across America, but with vaginas.

Also, you taste great.

So straight men and lesbians, if you're reading over a vagina's shoulder, please tell the woman in your life that you love her vagina, or at the very least that you could not care less what her vagina looks like. Because vaginas never did shit to anybody, you know? They don't deserve to be hidden away, shamed, embarassed or compared to a "Predator." And the next time I get a letter from a woman who wants to know if there's something wrong with her vagina, I'm just going to send her here, so leave your vagina well wishes in the comments.

Talk to you later vagina! TTYL! LYLAS! Sorry so short. Stay Sweet.

xo

Emily

You can find out more about @msemilymccombs' vagina on Twitter.