The Great Online Dating Debate: Time To Crowdsource

I don't know any other way to put it -- I need help.
Publish date:
May 30, 2013
online dating, Dating, OKCupid,

I need to come clean about something -- I'm incredibly skeptical about this whole digital dating thing as it relates to me personally. I mean, I know it works, as I know several couples who have met and fell in love online, but I've fallen into a dark place where I'm having trouble believing it'll actually ever happen for me. And here's why:

1) I've been told I'm too good to date.

Everyone always says it's the "good" girls who have the hardest time finding someone to settle down with -- perhaps I should be the poster child for that sentiment. Case in point: I went out on a date with a virgin last week. (In fact, I was his very first online date ever.) Surprisingly, he turned out to be all kinds of great. It was one of those amazing first dates where you feel midgets breakdancing in your belly -- fuck butterflies.

He was everything I envision when I close my eyes and try to picture my future husband. He had this whole downright dapper Jay Gatsby meets Andre 3000 sort of swag: tall, dark, ridiculously handsome, impeccably dressed, exceptionally eloquent with a bright stunning smile and biting wit to boot. (Ugh! Don't you just LOVE a well turned out British gent?)

Plus, he's an accomplished journalist -- but apparently that's a problem for him, since I am, too. (His beat is international politics, decidedly more significant in comparison to my women's lifestyle focus.)

The morning after one of my best online dates ever, he messaged to give me the dreaded "It's not you, it's me" speech. He thanked me for a lovely evening before telling me that even though he's wildly attracted to me, we can't take it any further because he feels professionally inferior to me. He's not as settled into his career as I am in mine, and he feels as if he can't afford to take me to the places I deserve to go, or buy me any of the expensive things a girl like me should have, yada yada yada.

I call bullshit -- I didn't come off as a prima donna in the slightest, as evidenced by the fact that we went to a kick-ass super cheap dive bar on Brick Lane where my two large glasses of wine totaled $8 USD. Then we went to McDonald's at midnight and chased it with French fries! (AND I HAD A GREAT TIME.) I mean, how much more low-key and laid back can I possibly be?

And for the record, it fucking sucks to continually be penalized for being (perceived as) successful. It's not the first time I've heard this -- I've been told before that I make it hard for men to feel as if they can offer me anything other than sex, let alone ever be able to take care of me.

How is any of this my fault? And how do I let men know that compatibility is more important to me than his checking account balance?

UPDATE: He just texted me to say that he can't stop thinking about me and he'd like for us to be platonic friends and see what happens down the line. Now I'm even more confused. Why would he propose I be his backburner chick?


2) I'm not a fan of the unfunny funnyman.

Those of you who follow me on Instagram have sort of been introduced to the Irish bloke I was seeing. We met on OKC in March and everything was going OK (ha!) until two weeks ago when I abruptly pulled the plug 10 dates in. But I'm not 100% sure I made the right decision.

The main problem is that we have totally different senses of humor. I prefer jokes with a punchline; he speaks in an entire British anecdotal sublanguage. Seeing as how I'm American, hopefully you can understand why this is a such major issue for me.

English humor is hard enough to "get" as is. Imagine being bombarded with it every single time he opened his mouth. At first I laughed at everything because I thought it was polite, then I laughed at half of it, then I stopped laughing at all, hoping he'd get the hint. He never did.

But did I give up too soon? We're pretty much compatible in every other aspect, and I'm completely attracted to everything about him, save for his corny sense of (what he calls) humor.

I'm seriously in unchartered territory here -- in your experience, is this something I can get over, or is it a deal breaker? And is it rude to tell him to lay off the lame jokes?

(For the record, I've gone ahead and removed any and every reference to wanting a man with a sense of humor from all of my digital dating profiles. I can't deal with this again.)

3) I don't do lazy lads.

I take digital dating quite seriously, so I've taken the time to fill in every section of all of my online dating profiles, so as to accurately represent myself as a person and what I'm searching for. And since it's hard enough as is to strike up genuine attraction out of thin air (i.e., through a few paragraphs and pictures), why don't men want to meet women halfway and fully fill out their profiles, too?

I'm getting a little frustrated by all the men who contact me, yet they have less than 10 words on their profile. One guy left me a lengthy, carefully thought out message this morning, but all that's written on his profile is "Hello."


He didn't even bother to fill in his ethnicity (which is ambiguous based on his photos), height, education, occupation -- everything was blank. I could understand if he was new to the site, but he's been on there for a while (he's come up as one of my matches several times).

Does this happen to anyone else? Am I wrong for being annoyed, or is it par for the course? Should I just suck it up and deal?


Come kick it with the kid over on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax.