I've Got 99 Problems, But I've Decided To Solve Yours In My New Advice Column

If you having life problems I feel bad for you girl -- you got 99 problems, let SistaTV solve one.

Feb 20, 2013 at 2:30pm | Leave a comment

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I’ve got 99 problems, but a bish ain't one. And while Mr. Knowles-Carter is correct that a bish ain’t one of my problems, one nagging issue is the fact that I really, really like this song despite my obvious reservations about its probably sexist nature. But any man who can happily take his wife’s name is pretty far away from sexist in my book, so me and JAY -- we cool. I’ve come to grips with my intense love for that song and have no problems quoting it in my regular life ALL THE TIME.

Twins don’t want to nap: 

SistaTV says: If you’re have sleep problems, I feel bad for you sons I got 99 problems but your blankie ain't one.

Sallie Mae wants me to actually pay on this student loan:

SistaTV says: If you having bailout problems, I feel bad for you son. I’ve got 99 problems and paying y'all will NEVER be one.

Before recently, if you would have asked me if I actually had 99 problems I would have laughed in your face.

SistaTV??? PROBLEMS?? Girl, BYE! Cute husband, funny kids, loving family, brand new house, Oprah Shoes, ALLADAT. 

I had finally figured out how to build a perfectly balanced, not-too-shabby-looking life for myself. And I was PROUD that I had built my house of cards on a very shaky foundation of low self-esteem, a lifetime of denied abuse, and turning a blind eye to the awful truth. I didn’t need to face any of that stuff.

So, one day, God grew tired of me denying myself and flicked his pinky finger and my house of cards came tumbling down. My shit is in SHAMBLES, SON. One of my very best sistafriends, whose blog you totally should be reading, Samantha Irby of Bitches Gotta Eat, knows most of the foolishness that is passing for my life these days and could only basically gawk at me and yell, “WHAT THE FUCK” in response. And Sam is like NEVER speechless. Like EVER. 

Anyway, my shit is all fucked up.

But I’m Unfucking My Life one day at a time and although it absolutely terrifying, it's, like, good. Like really good. There is still a lot of pain and immeasurable sadness for the life I thought I would lead but I’m excited for this chapter and pretty fricking certain that this is truly for the greatest good.

I can see clearly that ultimately I am going to have the life I’ve always wanted to lead, but this time I gonna have to be an active participant in getting it. So right now, I’m focusing on finding the whys, learning about the whats, and figuring out the hows of how the fuck did SistaTV end up right where she is right now. Cause I’m not EVER going back. 

Surprisingly, this whole love yourself thing is working out. It's exhilarating. Life-affirming, really. But because some of the stuff is of the sensitive nature, I can’t really discuss all of it here now. I still want to share. I still want to give of myself.

So I got to thinking about what I want my life to be and what my problems mean and what are the gifts that I am blessed with. What are the blessings I can share with the world? How can I sort of discuss my problems and share some of the lessons I’ve learned without too much collateral damage to my life?

So I came up with this -- I think I’d like to help you guys. I think I’d like to write an advice column.

If you having life problems, I feel bad for you -- girl, you got 99 problems, let SistaTV solve one. 

So I’m asking you to send me questions, dilemmas, and whatevs you’d like me to talk about and I’d like to give it to you straight, no chaser. I’m asking you to trust me with your 99 problems about anything and I’d like to sit with them thoughtfully and love up some guidance for your issues.

Because one of my blessings is I’m really good at loving others to a better place, using laughter to ease the pains of life, and encouraging us love ourselves and each other through our worst experiences even when we don’t want to or can’t fathom that we are worthy of that love.

I’m not an expert. I don’t have any formal training. I’ve got my heart, my head, and a very hard knock life look to for the answers. And while I know I won’t have all the answers, and I know that most of your problems may not actually be solved from my column, I think it will bring some joy and some laughter and help us all build up something more sturdy build our new lives upon.

So head over and fill out this form and let's get started, loves! 

Senam SistaTV Amegashie spends most of her time waiting for someone to give her a TV show, already! While waiting for that to happen you can find her Tweeting (@sistaTV), Facebooking, and making hilarious but horribly edited SistaTV Youtube videos. SistaTV loves you!