My Dog is in the Office and It's Bringing Out the Best in Everyone! And Then There's Madeline

Behold, it's a 60-lb pitbull wandering around the offices of xoJane, inspiring beautiful Madeline to talk like a damned baby.
Publish date:
February 13, 2013
pets, dogs

I have a writer friend name Michael Thomsen who did a very cool interview with me in the latest issue of The New Inquiry where we talk about sex addiction, nervous breakdowns and the possibility of making out. He like me, does personal memoir in the realm of romance, and wrote this very entertaining book called "Levitate the Primate: Handjobs, Internet Dating, and Other Issues for Men."

Since that interview, Michael and I have developed a funny, sweet sort of friendship where we give each other advice about dating over G-Chat and now he's even walking my dog Sam occasionally.

Because he's awesome. And so is my dog.

Today was one of those days! After a jaunt to an empty ice-covered dog park, Michael brought Sammy by the offices of xoJane where everyone's faces lit up -- but most especially Madeline's. I told Madeline the good news I got today, which is that Sam's fecal results came back parasite-free!

Sam had gotten giardia, which I knew when he looked at me mournfully one day and then proceeded to diarrhea all over my comforter as if to say, "Vet? Please? Now?"

I took him to Heart of Chelsea Animal Hospital where now every time he passes by he makes me take him inside to bask in the glow of the place where he got well. Last time he just stood outside the glass door staring inside as all the vet staff cracked up looking at this hospital-loving pup. (Hot tips: To avoid giardia, cleanse the dog's hands and feet every time after you take the pup outside. Oh, and for gastrointestinal health, that "I.D." dog food they sell at the vet (cheaper than at the pet store) can't be beat!

So as I updated Madeline about all these fascinating poop matters, she immediately started ignoring me and baby-talking to Sam, saying, "You're all better! That's right, isn't it? Your poop is OK! Your little baby poop that comes out of your butthole!"

Sadly, I did not quickly enough capture this national bit of video treasure, but I did capture what happened next.

Just consider yourself warned. If you bring a dog near Madeline, this is what happens.


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