Here's a place to talk about the relationships in your life whenever you want.
During one of our daily boo lovin’ chats, my boyfriend told me that one of his new female friends wanted him to go to brunch to meet her mother. Just the three of them.
He shared this information with no hint of nervousness in his voice, as if it was an everyday occurrence. I guess he knew that the slightest bit of hesitation on his part would cause all of my girlfriend alarms to go blaring off at once.
I immediately rolled my eyes and expressed my annoyance. I mean, who does that? I get that Samantha* and Adrian* had developed a pretty close friendship, through mutual friends, in a short period of time. But introducing a guy to your mom? That seems like some girlfriend shit right there. Or am I just too immature to understand the complexities of a platonic guy-girl friendship?
Samantha belongs to what I call Adrian’s coterie of bad bitches. She is tall, slim without any effort, typically clad in the J. Crew threads he has urged me to purchase more than once, funny (he quotes her often, sigh) and blessed with that long, soft hair that is made for a guy to run his fingers through. That is all to say that she is pretty. And I have accused him of falling in love with her a few times, which he firmly denies.
But Sam is just another pretty face in Adrian’s vast group of female friends. Some are tall, some are short, some wear their hair straight, others are natural, some are light, some are dark and some, unfortunately, have known him longer than I have.
Take Carmen*, Adrian’s BFF, who was supposed to be consoling me over drinks after her buddy damaged my heart during our hookup phase. I was sharing how her dick of a friend often made sly comments about his desire to get with a tall chick.
“False!” she yelped. “This might be kind of awkward to say, but he liked me for THREE years and I’m short.”
Eventually, Adrian and I got our shit together and started a more serious relationship, but I never understood how this knowledge was supposed to make me feel about my new boyfriend. It made me feel resentful, like she was subtly letting me know that I am not all that special.
More than two years deep into this love thang, those same feelings creep up from time to time. It is kind of weird being the member of the bad bitch squad who defected and became Adrian’s girlfriend. Prior to our situation, he was so used to playing his position in the friend zone.
I know what I saw in him -- he is hilarious, intelligent and adorable, with the wisdom and soul of a man who has lived years twice his age. He is chill to the point that a friend was surprised when we started hooking up. “I really thought that Adrian was too funny and too cool to be straight.”
The fact that he has so many girlfriends has led other to question his sexuality, but Adrian is so secure that the questions do not faze him. I’m sure it helps that for every, “Is he gay?” there is someone asking or assuming that he is sleeping with a member of his bad bitch crew. Samantha’s man definitely asked if she was cheating on him with Adrian. Probably after he heard that she was going to introduce him to her mother at brunch.
It does get annoying that many of his lady friends think they can take certain liberties. McKenzie*, one of his particularly leggy friends, would obsessively call him during prime fucking hours, until she got a man of her own, of course. I am pretty sure that Grace*, who considers Adrian to be a brother, was dead serious when she excitedly announced that she would love to have him as a roommate when she moves to New York after school. Really? After I learned that you once “platonically” cuddled with my boo? Not happening.
Apparently, Sam enjoys showing off vacation pictures of herself in bikinis during their weekly happy hours. During one of the few times I was able to join them, she thought it would be awesome to share a picture her boyfriend had taken of her sleeping in her underwear. Oh, and our relationship almost didn’t make it past the first month after Adrian nonchalantly shared a Gchat conversation between him and his BFF Carmen in which they jokingly swapped nicknames for their private parts. Sigh, these bitches.
Thankfully, once we started seriously dating certain boundaries were put into place. And since I happen to really enjoy the company of a lot of these girls, I have had to accept that they love and want the best for him. That doesn’t mean I don’t hate. Not too long ago, I had the pleasure of spending the whole day at the house of one of his former crushes. Yet another new buddy.
This whole experience has definitely taught me to face my insecurities head-on and fully accept that, though Adrian may consistently find himself in one big room full of bad bitches, I must trust in the relationship that we have. Also, being a self-sadist is simply not fun. I once quizzed him on which friends he found attractive. After seeing my anger when he matter-of-factly stated that Samantha has a nice body, he snapped, “What?? You want me to lie??”
So now I just keep some questions to myself. But you better believe I have started building my team of guy friends in earnest.
*Names have been changed.