When a white woman calls me "girl" or "girlfriend," she reminds me that my racial experience can be co-opted.
I can’t undo an experience that left an indelible mark on my racial psyche.

Feb 7, 2014 at 10:00am | 803 comments

I let it ruin the rest of my evening, then I woke up the next morning feeling like I'd been run over emotionally by a truck.
name calling
The follow-up story to what happened after my friend's boyfriend completely unleashed on me.
I used to feel humiliation recalling all of it — like I’d somehow deserved the bullying — but now I just feel sadness for that poor girl I used to be.
I need to find someone who will go thrift shopping with me, dammit, so I decided to get a little creative.
Nicknames -- or the use of nicknames -- need to be earned in my opinion.
I want to be the type of person who makes other people feel comfortable, but how am I supposed to do that if I can barely hug my boyfriends?
When I hear other women say they can’t stand women, it makes me sad because what they’re really saying is that they can’t stand parts of themselves.
Apparently lots of people are insecure jerkwads who try to foil their friends' attempts to lose weight. Why am I not surprised by this?
Throughout my life, I've experienced deep love and deep rejection from women.
straight people
A queer space, however temporary, is the one space that’s both physically and emotionally safe -- where, for once, heterosexuality isn’t assumed, and queer people are the default.
I meet a nice girl or boy. We hit it off, and I get friend-butterflies (frienderflies!) and begin to think, "Could this be it? Could this be my new best friend??" But then, casually, s/he will drop the best friend bomb.
you are the advice columnist
I'm thinking about telling him, even knowing it will probably end at least the one friendship.
mental illness
With each new request, I feel this extreme conflict internally. How petty to resent him wanting to stay over when he says he feels “unsafe” at his home.
best friends
I'm not sure why I was shocked, let alone hurt, when a girl I had known for 28 years tried to sabotage my wedding. It was right in line with all the other messed up things she had done to me over the years.
how not to be a dick
There’s no need for you to speak more loudly and slowly, enunciate more, or mime things when you’re speaking to me
Because sometimes I think I might be doing it wrong. Either that, or all this annoying flaky friend-fade-out business is just a California thing.
I had a weird birthday. Instead of cake, I sobbed in some nachos, almost ruined a friendship and wore sexy skivvies no one saw.

Oct 25, 2012 at 1:00pm | 174 comments

How can my radar have been so off? How did I fall for someone so hopelessly, so completely, who clearly wasn’t into me?
Where was I when everybody decided to get their shit together? Probably drinking margaritas at a dog wedding.

Jan 10, 2013 at 2:30pm | 168 comments