cell phones
When I found out I was paying $200 to look at Buzzfeed quizzes and have no one call me, I canceled our cell phone plan.
do this don't
Something happened when I started dressing like a fully functioning human again: my productivity increased, and I felt more professional.
curvy women
I have no doubt that each one of you curvy ladies would look awesome in this silhouette.
movies
It soon became clear that the movies needed to stay mine, lest I fall out of infatuation with them.
in

Oct 25, 2013 at 12:00pm | 111 comments

do this don't
As women we’re conditioned to assume that if a man doesn’t immediately turn into a stumbling mess and/or brandish his phone number demanding a date, he’s probably not into you.
do this don't
The best transit exchanges happen when something strange is going down around you. The good news is something strange is usually going on around you, especially in New York.
in

Sep 6, 2013 at 12:00pm | 220 comments

do this don't
It wasn’t until my junior year in high school (and after years of using cocoa butter to treat my blemishes) that I dared to wear a skirt without coverage.
do this don't
“Alana,” you might say, “Do you think there’s something wrong with wanting to look like a vaguely promiscuous teenager at your haggard old age?” Answer: Duh.
do this don't
If you’re not familiar with Panama City Beach, it’s like a mixture of the Deep South and a Caribbean paradise.
sleeveless
Yep, I'm talking about going sleeveless. It's a great big deal for a lot of fat women, a lot of whom will not bare their arms for any temperature.
in

Aug 23, 2013 at 12:00pm | 238 comments

do this don't
I think it's funny that I'll take my top hat wearing, parasol holding, gold tooth having narwhal tattoo to my grave.
do this don't
Screw a purse. I'm a grown-ass woman who wears a backpack.
hotpants
Never ever show off your body, cover up, “flatter,” hide - that’s what fat women are told on a constant basis in the guise of “fashion advice."
do this don't
My necklaces enter the room ahead of me, rings flash with light when I point to things, bracelets announce my movements like wearing a wreath of bells at the holidays.
do this don't
bralessness
do this don't
Ugly they may be, but wearing my wedge sneakers makes me feel like a velociraptor cosplaying Astronaut Robyn.
gray hair
Sure, gray is the new black if you're a teen or a rock star. I'm a 40-year-old woman who's tired of keeping on top of her white roots for the past decade-and-a-half.
nails
Turns out you can do more than twerk at the Walgreens. You can get a quick manicure too.
in

Jun 4, 2013 at 9:00am | 130 comments

do this don't
Hold on you guys because I am about to BLOW your MINDS with how awesome this look can be.
1990s
I am but a few chunky highlights away from shopping at my local Talbots.
hair
Yes, friends: I think you should let a non-professional cut and style your hair.