Pick My Wedding Dress!

I know NOTHING about weddings. Help!
Publish date:
October 28, 2011
clothes, weddings, name-dropping, the perfect fit

I love that you are helping me pick outfits that I can wear over and over again (to all of those pesky occasions where one is expected to "Wear Clothes" -- I mean, what is up with that?). I appreciate you making it easier for me for the next 50 years or however long I stick around. My grandma is turning 105 in a few months, so I could even be wearing these outfits for 60 more years, i.e., take these choices seriously, folks! You've already chosen the outfit I will wear every time I go on TV for the rest of my life, assuming TV sticks around that long. Now, I have an even more Important Occasion for which I am going to bow to your great wisdom: My Wedding Dress.

Even writing those words gives me chills -- and not in a good way. I was sitting at a (FAMOUS PERSON'S, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO NAME-DROP IT UNLESS SOMEONE WHO HAS BASHED ME FOR NAME-DROPPING ALL THE TIME, AS I DO, BEGS BEGS BEGS ME TO) wedding not long ago and, as the bride walked down the aisle, the person sitting next to me turned and whispered, "This is the moment every girl dreams of since she is 5 years old"; well, I've never had that dream. There is a lot that I could say about my parents' divorce, my feminist mom raising me to believe that marriage was not a goal, other reasons I am not interested in getting married (some of which Jackie articulated here really well earlier this week), but that's not what this post is about. This is about the fact that I know SO little about weddings and their etiquette (anything with etiquette attached also gives me the creeps) that I didn't even know until fairly recently that you had to RSVP and couldn't just bring a friend along at the last minute.

Feel free to give me your theories on why weddings make me so squeamish. My parents split up when I was 12; it was not traumatic at all (though other events surrounding it were) and, in fact, I was kind of relieved and excited. If I ever were to commit to someone, it would feel fake/like a performance for me to do it in front of a bunch of people. Like I was doing it for the audience. I understand that it takes a village to keep a marriage together and I love the concept of bringing family and friends into that fighting spirit with you, but I'd rather just have the person look me in the eye and make the promise and I would do the same (when I'm 90) and that would be that.

I also enjoy NOT thinking about weddings, and one way to think about them less is to have an outfit ready to go to wear to every wedding I'm invited to (and actually end up attending) for the rest of my life. Will you pick the one? Some things to keep in mind: I like to break rules...white, fluffy tulle, trains, borderline funeral attire-- those things could be good. Actually, forget that: Don't listen to me. This could be a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me to be appropriate. So forget what I said to keep in mind and just tell me your honest pick.

Please help me choose from these awesome outfits that Eric found for me. Leave your arguments in the comments below, but vote in this poll:

Thanks so so much, as always!