Make One Embarrassing Admission (Or More!) In This Cringe-Free-Zone Of An Open Thread

And laugh, cry, but feel no guilt, as you enjoy reading everyone else's humiliations below. Or just comment the way you like to do here every week.
Publish date:
October 2, 2015
open thread, weekend open thread, embarrassing moments

I had a little intro to this in my head that kind of smoothed this theme all together and gave a reason why I'm about to tell you this embarrassing confession I've never told anyone, but I can't remember it. So on to the fun part.

I was doing this thing this morning while walking to work, every time I passed a reflective surface. I find it really embarrassing, though Lesley doesn't think it is. I know we xoJaners have all admitted so many embarrassing things on this site already (including how I hold my daughter down and fart in her face -- for one example). But here's a new one I've never told a soul:

"When I am being picky or hard on myself (which I was doing a lot this week -- Amber and I were supposed to go to yoga together and I keep not doing it, I skipped getting the flu shot and have the flu, I am over a week late on a work assignment, my apartment floors are dirty, etc etc etc), I do this mental trick. I pretend that I am the one I have a crush on. It is different than pretending to be the person you are in love with, because it very specifically speaks to you loving your own physical and habitual quirks in the way that you would someone you had a crush on. I even sometimes look at myself in the mirror and think, "Oh, that little hair there is adorable and such a turn-on."

If you don't think that's embarrassing or you think it is and need a little more courage before you make your own admissions in the comments, here are a few more from us:

"I started doing this in Japan, and I think it's getting worse in Hong Kong: I like to "try out" fake accents on strangers. Mostly in restaurants and cafes when I'm alone and bored. I favor an ambiguous "european" accent or something vaguely South African? I'm not even really sure. WHO DO I THINK I'M FOOLING?! I think I do it because it makes me feel a little less like the lone, weirdo American. Is this offensive?"(Louise, who I sent a love note just for this)

"I don't know what "the cloud" is or how it works." (Rachel Perkins -- recipient of the second love note I sent today)

"The first time I creeped into the xoJane offices, these reality show producers were coming in to observe everyone in a meeting. Jane told me to stay, and I had taken a seat at the end of the table. I had kept quiet the entire meeting, but then someone brought up, I don't know how it was phrased, but like, universal truths that no one wants to admit. I offered, "Yeah, like how everyone has that one cousin that they want to have sex with." I stand by that. He's a second cousin, for the record." (Tynan, telling a true story that was so lovely and freed the rest of us up to be as weird as we wanted to be for the rest of the meeting)

"The other day I somehow managed to stab myself in the eye with my toothbrush while I was brushing my teeth. I don't know how that even happens. And toothpaste in your eye really burns." (Emily)

"I fell last week and I'm slightly obsessed with replaying it in my mind. I was walking in the street and my mind was somewhere else and it was just a classic trip and fall on the edge of a massive pothole. I generally aim for gracefulness and I don't fall often, and yet I ate it like a cartoon character whilst simply walking down the street, in sneakers, and stone cold sober. I clearly remember a moment that felt like I was suspended in mid-air, limbs splayed, and thinking to myself in a super calm inner voice, "I'm going down. I'm gonna hit the ground." I got nasty scrapes on the expected wrist/palm/knee spots, but considering the force of the tripping I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO grateful I didn't get hurt worse and I keep laughing about how hard I fell and smiling that I'm OK. Like, I totally fell. HA!" (Pia)

"I had to get my husband to fix my parallel parking job. Like I met him at a bar, did a shitty job parking, went in the bar to get him, and made him fix it. In my defense I had just found out my dog has liver issues, and was in a very sensitive place, emotionally." (Claire)

"I'm embarrassed of coughing loudly in public. Or sneezing too often. Normally, I DGAF about the approval of strangers, but when it comes to involuntary outward signs of sickness, I freak out. The other day when I was coming home from work, I had a coughing fit and three different people looked over at me and scowled and I was so riddled with irrational shame that I switched cars. Even though those people are all judgmental jerks." (Amber)

"I was planning to go the whole month of October without buying any new clothes. I've bought a bunch of new stuff over the past couple months and the last thing I actually need right now is more clothes, as both my closet and my separate IKEA wardrobe thing are scarily overfull.

I didn't even last ONE DAY, because yesterday I found a pair of black acid wash skinny jeans from Target's Ava & Viv line and their skinny jeans are my holy grail of pants so I cannot pass them up. And having thus failed I went and bought bras at Torrid. I can't even be sorry because I know I will love the jeans and the bras were on sale. Does it still count if I start on October 2?" (Lesley)

"One time all of my fake nails fell off throughout the course of a date. I was really high and thought it would be a good idea to hide them in random places so he wouldn't notice. He unfollowed me on Instagram a few days afterwards." (Courtney)

Of course, this Open Thread is absolutely YOURS and you don't have to join in on the embarrassing admissions if you don't want to. You can ask advice, give advice, tell a tiny thing that happened to you this week that's on your mind at the moment, update us on your SOs, your kitchens, your dogs, your demotions, your allergies, etc, etc etc.

Because this thread every week is really all about the etc., don't you think?