What The Hell Is In My Bag?

Publish date:
January 11, 2012
purses, junk, jane's stuff

I just got back to the office from an almost-three-hour lunch. Lordy, it was fun. It reminded me of the old print days when the then-almost-exclusively male Editor-In-Chiefs of the women's magazines would take little me with them to places like the 21 Club and have a bunch of martinis and a bunch of courses and teach me lengthy lessons about thrilling (seriously, to me) topics like direct-mail campaigns. It would be the week after the closing of an issue, so there was plenty of down-time for us monthly magaziners before we had to gear up for the next close. They also called your magazine "the book," as in, "The book is looking great. Lots of ad pages. Congratulations." Industry lingo always cracks me up. When I went sky-diving, the sky-divers training me called the parachute "the canopy" even though everyone else in the world calls it the parachute. There is a similar thing with movies, plays and TV shows. Short-hand to show that you are an insider or something.

So all of that is to say that as I opened my bag to pay for this fun leisurely lunch with a business contact I was meeting for the first time, an unwrapped green-tipped tampon fell out onto the floor. I am so used to this that I didn't think anything of it and threw it back in. The waiter who stopped to pick it up -- and then stopped himself from picking it up, which I appreciated -- blushed. (Meanwhile, I have told that waiter two different times how hot he is. Not by way of flirting or starting something, but just to clear the air so I could order. Some other xoJaners witnessed me do it and I now wonder if they felt awkward -- hmmm.)

This incident made me think of those "What's In Your Purse" pieces, which we've run and which I enjoy, except that mine looks nothing like that. Here is mine. Reading Lesley's collecting post today, and not being a keeper of anything (including old Sassy magazines, photographs of my family, anything), I realized that the one way I do collect "things" is to let them pile up in my purse. When I stumble upon an old receipt or invitation or crayon, it reminds me of that time and puts the current moment into perspective, which I like. So then I throw it back in there for the next time. It means that I carry around a much bigger bag than I need, except maybe on the red carpet or to fashion shows where a big bag is a pain to all in your row.

It requires a certain level of disorganization for that crayon or barrette or hair/gum/nickel combo or green(??)-tipped tampon to just fall into your hands when you least expect it and most appreciate it. So, two questions:

1) What is really in your bag right now? Don't tell me it is a Chanel clutch with like four new-looking items in it because I won't believe you.

2) What is this green stuff on the top of my tampon? Clues may be in this photo, but your guess is as good as mine.

Actually, 3) If you were really in need of a tampon,would you use the one with green stuff on it -- it isn't soaked in it or anything. Maybe I could cut that part off.