How To Find Absolutely Anything

I lose things and this really works!
Publish date:
April 3, 2013

Most of the time, I like losing things. Fewer things = freedom and lightness and fewer burdens, in my privileged book. Losing my phone is maybe the best and most exhilirating possible example of this freedom thing, with losing a wallet or preferably an entire bag/backpack a close second.

HOWEVER, sometimes it is convenient to be able to "find things," in which case this amazing trick works every time. It comes courtesy of my mom's friend Cristina's Cuban mom and it's called Squeezing The Devil's Balls and it goes like this:

You (I) can't find your passport/ring/keys/dog. Take a tie or scarf (it has to be yours, not someone else's). Loop it around a leg of your bed, tie it and pull it really really tight while saying,"Devil, give me back my whatever-it-is! I know you have it, so give it back!", etc etc ad lib as much as you like while pulling the ends really hard -- Charlotte says my face gets all red when I am doing this to give you an idea of how much energy I pour into it.

End your yelling at the devil when you feel satisfied and tie another time so that the knot is secure.

Then leave it alone and go to the place where you think the lost thing might be and just kind of do your regular thing until the item miraculously turns up. (When my mom was teaching this to Charlotte, she very authoritatively said that it takes ten minutes for the item to turn up, but she made that part up. Btw, Charlotte has since then used this technique to find two lost schoolbooks. Why bother even trying to remember where you would keep a schoolbook when you have this technique, I say.)

Before I left town last week, I squeezed the devil's balls to recover my passport, which had been missing for a month or two. And ta-da, here it is, for your funny-old-picture viewing pleasure!

Please try this and tell me how it works for you. That will make me so happy.

Also: I am back in the office and SO thrilled to be around all of these kooks again, I can't tell you. I missed them a lot lot lot. And you! How are you?