IT HAPPENED TO ME: My Husband Won’t Shave His Ridiculous Mustache And It's Driving Me Crazy

At this point, it takes him almost as long to get the mustache ready as it takes me to get ready to go out at night.
Publish date:
April 10, 2014
shaving, mustaches

One of my favorite things about my husband is his sense of humor. He has great comedic timing and a lack of inhibitions that allow him to make anyone nearby crack up. If he can get half of a room of people in a room to laugh, (even if it’s by insulting the other half of the room) then he’s happy. I’ve always admired this trait, because funny is something I just am not.

And he’s not only funny, but he’s smart, driven and very hardworking. I consider myself lucky to be with him.

His latest “thing" to get laughs, however, has gone too far. It began last fall when he grew out a beard. I think he looks handsome with some scruff, so I liked his rough look. He then shaved it into a mustache for Thanksgiving with my family. OK, that’s funny enough, still acceptable, and still in the month of “Movember."

I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He continued to grow this mustache, even after he shaved off his beard. He purchased wax for this mustache. He explained that he’s shaping it to be a classic “handlebar” mustache. It made sense, because he and his brother had started a business the previous year, and named it “The Handle Bar Indy.” So, a handlebar mustache for a few weeks and a few pictures was OK by me.

In fact, I posted a few pictures with him on Facebook, as if to say, “Look at what a funny guy I married! He will even grow a weird mustache just to get laughs!”

The problem is that it’s now April, and this mustache is neither cute nor funny anymore. It's uncomfortable to be close to, it's unattractive to me, and it is mostly just embarrassing.

I find it hard to understand why so many men in particular seem enthused to see him with this mustache. Strangers will buy drinks for him at the bar, and even for our whole table just because of it. I would rather have no free drinks and no mustache on my husband.

From his point of view, it feels like a shame to get rid of something that has taken so long to get to where it is now. I would like him to understand that there is no shame in his unshaven, handsome face!

Thankfully, my family and friends have some helpful advice for me to handle my stubborn husband and his handlebar mustache:

  • “Shave it off in the middle of the night!” Good idea, but I’d rather he didn’t hate me.
  • “Then just cut off one end! It’ll look so ridiculous, he’ll have to shave the whole thing.” Do you think he cares at all about looking ridiculous?
  • “It’s just a cry for attention. Give him attention and he’ll shave it.” He’s getting enough attention from complete strangers, he’s not lacking in that department.
  • “Well, it is for his business, right?” His facial hair is not a contributing factor to success of the business.
  • “Have you told him you don’t like it?” He has known since day 1 of this mustache that I don’t like it. That doesn’t seem to bother him in the least.
  • “Well, it is trendy for hipsters to have those now.” He is not a hipster, trust me.

At this point, it takes him almost as long to get the mustache ready as it takes me to get ready to go out at night. (And my routine is not quick; I’m a shower, skin care, blow-dry/straighten my hair, and do makeup kind of girl.)

I don’t know what the final tipping point will be to get rid of this thing. The comments on Facebook from other guys like “Stellar mustache!” and “Epic ‘stache, dude!” aren’t helping my cause.

If you see him out and about, please don’t tell him you love his mustache. Please don’t tell him it’s so unique and cool. It’s not helpful. For me, this is a real problem. He loves this mustache and there is no end in sight.

I tried to put myself in his shoes. What if I dyed my hair a color that I love but he hates? And this hair color was so fabulous, it got compliments from strangers and free drinks at the bar? Would I change it back just for him? It might be tough, but I would like to think I would.

When we got married several years ago, we vowed to be together in sickness and in health, through thick and thin. This mustache is not what I signed up for, but it's there now. My husband could argue that there are a few things he didn't sign up for with me either. I'm not the arguing type. I don't plan to stage a big intervention, or start boycotting his mustache. I plan to trust him, that when this thing has become "old news," or too much of a hassle (hopefully sooner than later) he will shave it off.

In the meantime, I take comfort in the knowledge that my husband is truly, truly one of a kind.