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Being broken up with blows. There is nothing about it that doesn’t hurt; it’s embarrassing, sad, infuriating and exhausting.
When my ex “John” told me he was moving out of our house (and my life) I would have gladly jumped face first into a burning pile of garbage if it meant he would change his mind.
Logically, I knew that feeling would fade and I would live and be “better for the experience” and blah blah, but then he started dating a semi-famous blogger who writes articles that my ex and I used to read together… about her sex life.
John and I met in college and quickly fell in love and melted into a very comfortable singular identity. I threw myself into the relationship entirely. He was it -- I could quit looking.
We moved to LA together, we supported each other through the dark days of unemployment and celebrated when he landed the dream job we had worked so hard for him to get. He was a groomsman in my brother’s wedding, and then…he left.
The initial shock and pain was all-encompassing and crushing, but like you do, I started to get over it. I was really doing well, running, eating right, feeling good and then I heard John was dating a girl I knew quite a bit about.
His new girlfriend “Janet,” writes for the very popular new media website where my ex also works. She has quite a loyal following and has been very brave sharing stories about her struggles with health issues and her sex life.
When I first read her story, I was intrigued and wanted to know more about this strong woman. Little did I know my boyfriend would soon know quite a bit MORE about her than I ever would’ve guessed.
When your ex moves on, everyone tells you to put them out of your head, don’t think about the new girl, let it go. I tried, my god did I try, but then her blogs started popping up everywhere, Facebook, Instagram, even my Gmail account!
Her newfound happiness with her newfound boyfriend was like a shadow following me around, I couldn’t escape my ex, his new girl, or her sex life, and the universe was being a real bitch about it.
Then, in one blog, Janet mentioned getting ready for a date with her boyfriend.
Ouch. You boyfriend? He did love me like four months ago right?
She attached a photo of her getting ready for the date and that was the salt my wound was just begging for. She had on red lipstick. John HATES lipstick, asked that I quit wearing it, even though I liked to sometimes, and I DID!
That’s the worst part; I quit doing something I enjoyed because I loved him.
Seeing Janet rocking red lipstick that would soon be all over the lipstick-hating mouth of my ex made me so inexplicably sad. I packed up my bags and moved right into the depths of pity party Hell.
Heartbreak is an important part of growing up; everyone should know what that sadness feels like in order to better appreciate the silly happy things in life. That being said, no one has written a book on coping with your ex dating a girl whose menstrual cycle you have read about in depth. So I was stranded alone on an island with no outlet or guidance.
Before John started dating her, we knew her TOGETHER. We discussed her problems, her bravery. Now every time I see a photo or blog about them I feel like I’m walking in on my parents having sex and it’s confusing.
Then a bit of a self-sabotaging spiral started and I started seeking anything I could find that she wrote or that he made for the website. I almost I liked how crappy I felt because then I could be mad at him for making me feel like such a sad sack.
Really it was my fault, but it was super nice being able to blame them for my desperation and the lack of showering, eating, and critical thinking I was doing at the time. So I found myself stuck in a cycle: See a blog post or photo, get angry, get sad, get angry again, see another blog and around we went again!
And then, I just decided to stop. I wish I knew what it was that motivated me to stop intentionally hurting myself, but honestly it just happened. I wish I could write a step-by-step guide to getting over your Internet famous ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, but there’s no logical breakdown to how I did it.
If anything, my experience further reinforces that time heals all wounds – and I HATE that rule of life. I didn’t have the patience that time required of me to heal my heartbreak, but I had no other choice. It was the only option so I sucked it up and resolved to ride out the worst part of my life; I had a big ass frown on my face but I rode it out nonetheless.
I have a frightening feeling that my unusual situation is going to become less unusual as social media and public creative outlets continue to grow. Everyone is writing about everything. There are only so many people on the planet and eventually connections are going to overlap, and in a society of over sharing; things are bound to get real weird. So, just take it, weird can be good and weird can be weird but ultimately you’ll be alright.
Oh and also, if you see John tell him I look GREAT in lipstick.