It Happened To Me: I Became That Blowjob Porn Lady

I'm a coder, a feminist, an atheist, a musician, a bit of a crazy cat lady and a damn good cook. I'm also almost exclusively known for my blowjobs, at least on the Internet.

Jun 6, 2012 at 12:09pm | Leave a comment

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I'm a coder, a feminist, an atheist, a musician, a small business owner, a Mac lover, a bit of a crazy cat lady and a damn good cook.  I'm also almost exclusively known for my blowjobs, at least on the Internet.  How did this happen?  Allow me to explain.

I grew up in Montreal, which is known as Canada's city of sin (yes, that's a thing), but I was never all that sinful. I'm a bit of a geek and fairly quiet by nature, so I mostly kept to myself. My sexual development was pretty run of the mill. No trauma, a couple of experiences and relationships, a fairly simple realization that I like both men and women. Nothing to write home about. When I finished school, I went to university for literature and worked in my family's restaurant.

 It was in the restaurant that I met my partner. He worked across the street and he kept coming in for lunch, getting a little more flirtatious each time. I always thought he was pretty cute, so I said yes when he asked me out. That's over 16 years ago, and we've been inseparable ever since.  

We fit together because we're both passionate people who geek out to a lot of different things in life. We don't exactly follow the mold of choosing one thing and sticking to it without any further exploration. We're passionate people, which permeates every aspect of our lives together.

Over the years, I finished my literary studies and went on to work in everything from lab work to sales while developing my skills as a coder, webmaster and even picking up enough design to be able to edit and Photoshop. This came in handy as he shifted away from his public relations company to return to his love of fine arts through videography and photography.

 Back in the early 2000s, we put our heads together and decided to combine our skills to create a company where we'd make sites and content for others. Strictly mainstream sites, of course.

We were humming along just fine, until a very large long-term contract that we'd been working on decided to bail without paying. As you can imagine, this was extremely unpleasant, but it was just the shot in the arm we needed to pursue a project we'd been slowly playing around with in our spare time.

You see, our passionate natures and love of exploration directly filtered into our very fulfilling sex life. We tried new things together, communicated openly about our wants and need and devoted ourselves to giving and receiving pleasure. As with many adventurous people, we'd tried our hands at documenting our sexual escapades, but we happened to have all the skills needed to create innovative content and get it out there. We dipped a toe into the water by showing off a few pinups on our site (devoted to a community of Mac lovers, no less) and got an overwhelmingly positive response. Our little "chip in to keep the site running" PayPal was overwhelmed as well, so we figured that there was an audience for what we were doing.  

We started out in 2005 with Dolorem -- a site devoted to erotic photography, which was everything from pinups to solo exploration to photos of he and I exploring different sides of our sexual selves.Our aesthetic is very artistic yet simple, focusing on beautiful composition, crisp colours and genuine emotion.  

It was a whole lot of fun, but about a year later, we got bitten by the video bug. He had largely worked with big TV stations, but with the advent of better and better DSLRs, we found ourselves focusing more on the capacity to create beautiful videos in our own home. While we continued with Dolorem for several years, we decided to create a new site with videography as well as photography, and we chose to focus on blowjobs.  

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Why blowjobs? Many reasons, actually. First and foremost, I love giving blowjobs. I'm a big fan of receiving, but I derive an immense amount of joy (and arousal) from giving pleasure.

Aside from that extremely important fundamental reason, blowjobs are given a bad rap, especially in porn. Most blowjobs are either monotonous appetizers before the main course, or they're rough and full of gagging, choking and spitting. I'm not casting judgment on people who enjoy giving and receiving those kinds of blowjobs, but the amount of focus placed on almost violent blowjobs in porn makes it seem like that's the gold standard. That creates a whole lot of problematic messages. I'm all for diversity of pornography.  

The blowjobs I give are sensual. That's the main description. Not necessarily always slow, but they're based on a blend of skill/attention to detail and passion for the act. It's about getting to know your lover's body, exploring different combinations of sensations and getting creative.  It can be a really intense and erotic experience for both parties, so I wanted to emphasize the beauty of the blowjob. We called it The Art of Blowjob (NSFW) and launched it in fall of 2007.  

We weren't sure quite what to expect. Dolorem was certainly successful and helped us to live the life we wanted, but The Art of Blowjob really took off. We got a lot of attention, and I quickly became embroiled in blogging, social media and any way I could get our message out there.  

We coined the term beautiful porn to describe what we do, and I guess I became the face (and the mouth) of the movement. We emphasize a beautiful approach to both aesthetics and ethics, meaning that we try to create an artistic and cinematic experience, but we also try to be transparent about issues of consent, respect, the politics of pleasure and where we fit in as a part of the adult industry.  

As we gain momentum, there's more to do and more to say, and it has really taken over our lives. It's a good thing, but it's funny to think about, too.  

There are a tremendous amount of misconceptions about what it is to be a woman in porn, so I try to pretty actively push against them. Whether this means being very vocal about the idea of sex-positive feminism, creating bonds with other vocal women in the adult industry or really clearly explaining my experience as someone who genuinely enjoys giving pleasure, I'm always talking about something.  

It has brought me a lot of places, from winning a Feminist Porn Award and getting named Fleshbot's Crush Object of the Year to being nominated for an XBIZ Award and getting a DVD production deal with Hustler. Quite oppositional accolades, but I guess that speaks to the direction in which the industry is going. Even the mainstream is seeing value in the special blend of real, creative and passionate porn, no matter how small the company.  

The reality of our day to day is pretty funny. My boyfriend and I work and shoot from home, in our little home office. We shoot in our real bed, on our real couch, on our real kitchen floor. We have an employee who helps us handle business and marketing strategy, who works remotely and meets us for meetings with far too much coffee and wine once in a while. We work with another couple, helping them to create and run their own site with their interpretation of sexuality. (It's called Pornographic Love (NSFW) and they're pretty amazing!)  In spite of our humble little home, the Internet is a democratizing place and we've been lucky enough to have a certain amount of clout and involvement in the development of our pornographic landscape.

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It's hard to know what the future holds, both for the adult industry and for us, but I know that, at 37, I want to keep going for a good while to come. That's the nice thing about running your own site...  No one's going to try to push you out for a younger starlet. (They do start tagging your videos as "MILF" content, but that's another story.)  

No matter what, I am unbelievably happy that we took this leap and that I became that blowjob lady, because it comes with an incredible amount of freedom and potential to contribute to something about which I care very deeply.