You Can’t Touch This: 9 Off-Limits Body Parts

Hands off, please, and on that note, hands off all the things below.
Publish date:
April 21, 2014
can't touch this, hair touching

New York Times tech reporter Jenna Wortham wrote a piece today for The Hairpin called “My Hairdo Is Not Your Safari,” after a woman at a SXSW party managed to grope her top knot even when Wortham tried to dodge her hand. She wrote, “having someone touch me without my permission just fucks with my day and sense of privacy and personal space and sends me into a k-hole spiral of wondering what unconscious signal I may have given to indicate that it would be OK, even though I know there isn’t one.”

Thank you Jenna for your spot-on view on personal boundaries. We agree. Hands off, please, and on that note, hands off all the things below.

1. Tattoos. I did something to my body that is deeply personal, this isn’t Best Buy.

2. Hair in general. What do you think this is, Showgirls? Are we in the strip club dressing room and you’re the mother figure I never had? We’re not that close and my hair’s naturally oily so when you run your mitts through it, it’s not OK.

3. Boob graze. Just don’t or I’ll wear a rape whistle around you.

4. Shoulders. Stop starting a spa session because you’re giving me a haircut or manicure. That’s off the menu.

5. Stomach. Don’t squeeze stomachs, it’s ticklish and uncomfortable.

6. Shoes. I don’t know if those fit you too, I suppose we’re going to find out now that you’re bartering your acceptance for my footwear. I got these at DON’T STEAL MY SHOES.

7. Manicure. Especially when it’s chipped. Yes I know I have to get it my nails did again, but I’ve been catching up on Amy Schumer helping the homeless.

8. Cheek-squeezing. No more braces. You, me, my cheeks. It’s all over.

9. The top of my head. I know I’m shorter than you, but tapping me on the head or resting your hand there is condescending, unless you have candy, in which case, awesome.

Reprinted with permission from Styleite. Want more?

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