Why I Love My Bed And why I’m fed up with feeling guilty about not getting out of it

Sloths of the world unite! Also: what tricks do you use to get out of bed in the mornings?
Publish date:
August 9, 2012
bed, sleeping, i love my bed, lying in

I remember when I was younger and stayed over at my grandparents’ house, my Grandma would get up at five am to hoover the curtains and iron some socks. I find this kind of behaviour unfathomable, because I really, really, really struggle to get out of bed in the morning.

Alarm clocks are futile. I once set up my iPod speakers to play loud music as an alarm. All that happened was that my dreams were filled with my favourite songs, and I just slept longer.

It’s like my body is made of a block of extremely weighty metal, and my bed is a cruel magnet of slothliness that won’t release its sleepy hold on me.

Don’t get me wrong, I actively enjoy – or perhaps inactively enjoy – staying in bed. Sleeping here, sleeping there, sleeping everywhere. Unfortunately, staying in bed isn’t really possible when you’re a real person, and have, for example, a job.

But when I don’t have to get up, I usually don’t, just because bed is so cosy and warm and zzzz... Anyway, what I am tired of is feeling bad about staying in bed. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of, is it??

Maybe it’s just me, but when I lie in until an unacceptable hour – too unacceptable tell you all here – I have an overwhelming feeling of monstrous guilt and I hide under the covers from it, shuddering like a child who has just watched a nightmare-inducing episode of The X Files.

That actually happened to me. I didn’t sleep for days. I was thirteen.

These insanely floral bed sheets help me to banish the lazy-guilt-demons

When I have someone to cuddle in the mornings, getting up is even harder. Unless said someone is sporting morning-poo-breath. Oh god, hangover breath/a furry tongue is a wonderful incentive to get out of bed.

Apart from that, I find staying in bed to be one of life’s greatest pleasures. It can’t possibly be wasting the day if you’re enjoying yourself.

Admittedly, staying in bed is not productive. But there’s so much emphasis on having to be productive all the time that it gets exhausting, and I just want to go back to bed.

If all else fails, one of my friends uses the alarm below. It is hideous. Enough to wake a corpse. Imagine this on a hangover:

Do you ever feel guilty about staying in bed? Please tell me some of your getting up gambits; I need some ideas!