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Trigger warning: This story contains disturbing and graphic sexual abuse allegations. Please read with caution.
Never ever be silent.
This is all I could think as I read the utterly chilling words written by Cindra Ladd this week about a 1965 encounter with Bill Cosby that she revealed publicly for the very first time.
So why did she finally come forward? Because, as she wrote, "The simple answer is that it's the right thing to do. The truth deserves to be known."
Every hair on my neck stood on end as I read each word of the horrific violation she recounted, and it made me think about the collective amorphous shame of all 33 of Cosby's accusers so far — along with the often accompanying backlash.
Why didn't you know not to trust someone who all of society had deemed trustworthy?
Why do you feel this need to seek attention?
Why would you destroy this man's legacy?
I'll tell you why.
Because the only legacy that matters in these stories is the legacy of each of these women's integrity to herself.
These 33 women are forging what I would say is a stunning path — for women to be unafraid, to be brave, to be raw, to create a scene, and to speak out about the unspeakable — in order to prevent it from ever happening again.
Below I have collected a timeline of their stories. I thank each and every one.
The Year: 1965
#1. Name: Kristina Ruehli. Source: Philadelphia Magazine.
"He must have slipped something into my drink. It's the only way to go lights-out like that .... It was all foggy, and I woke up in the bed. I found myself on the bed, and he had his shirt off. He had unzipped his pants. I was just coming to. He was attempting to force me into oral sex. He had his hand on my head. He had his cock out, and he had my head pushed close enough to it — I just remember looking at his stomach hair. And the hair on his chest. I had never seen a black man naked before. And it never went past that. I immediately came to and was immediately very sick. I pushed myself away and ran to the bathroom and threw up. I was feeling really ill. And I never got sick like that from alcohol, at least not that small of an amount. Once I threw up — it was five in the morning by now, I think — I left the bathroom and he wasn't there. I don't know where he went. But I left right away."
The Year: 1967
#2. Name: Carla Ferrigno. Source: Daily Mail.
"Carla says Cosby lunged at her and forcefully kissed her at a party when she was just a teenager — and his wife was home .... 'I feel so bad for these women. I was the lucky one.' She added, 'I mean "lucky" in that he didn't harm me. It harmed me emotionally all my life but he didn't physically harm me.' "
The Year: 1969
#3. Name: Joan Tarshis. Source: Hollywood Elsewhere.
“The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze, I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one."
#4. Name: Cindra Ladd. Source: Huffington Post.
"He went into another room and came back with a capsule. I asked a couple of times what it was. Each time he reassured me, asking, 'Don't you trust me?' Of course I did. This was Bill Cosby. For more than 45 years I have tried to recall exactly what happened that night. To this day it remains a blur. I have a vague recollection of feeling like I was floating while walking through Times Square and watching some kind of Japanese samurai movie with him. I don't remember where the theater was nor very much of the evening. What I do recall, vividly and clearly, is waking up the next morning nude in the bed of his friend's apartment and seeing Cosby wearing a white terrycloth bathrobe and acting as if there was nothing unusual. It was obvious to me that he had had sex with me. I was horrified, embarrassed and ashamed."
The Year: 1970
#5. Name: Victoria Valentino. Source: Washington Post.
" 'He was trying to cheer me up, and he stuck a pill in my mouth,' she said. 'He said, "This will make us all feel better." .... We were slurring words. I couldn’t function,' she recalled, adding that Cosby said he would take them home but instead drove them to an apartment in the hills above the Chateau Marmont hotel. The room was spinning, and Valentino said she remembered feeling as if she was going to throw up. 'He came over to me and sat down on the love seat and opened his fly and grabbed my head and pushed my head down. And then he turned me over. It was like a waking nightmare.' "
The Year: 1971
#6. Name: Louisa Moritz. Source: TMZ.
"Moritz says Cosby 'suddenly approached me and took out his penis, which was now in the line of my face [she's 5'0"] and pressed up against it.' She goes on, 'He took his hands and put them on the back of my head and forced his penis in my mouth, saying, 'Have a taste of this. It will do you good in so many ways.'" She says as Cosby walked out he turned and said, 'Now you don't want to upset me and the plans for your future, do you?'"
#7. Name: Donna Motsinger. Source: Page Six.
"Known as Jane Doe No. 8 in the suit filed by former Temple University athletics director Andrea Constand said she’s now speaking up about being drugged and raped 43 years ago because she feels like a 'coward' for not sharing her story. 'I feel guilty not telling my story,' Motsinger said from her home in Taos, NM. 'I’m a coward over here. Those women are brave. It’s the least I can do. I want to tell people so [the victims] can’t be bullied, so they can’t be discredited.' Constand settled out of court in 2006. Motsinger said Cosby drugged and raped her in 1971 when she worked as a waitress at a jazz club in Sausalito, Calif."
The Year: Early 1970s
#8. Name: Katherine McKee. Source: NY Daily News.
"McKee, an actress and former Vegas showgirl, said she partied regularly with Davis’ notorious Rat Pack in the late 1960s and had known Cosby for eight years when the alleged assault took place .... 'He was a buddy. He knew I was Sammy’s girl,' she said about accepting the invitation. McKee said Cosby asked her to get some ribs from local hotspot Checker Bar-B-Q and then pick him up at his hotel. 'I remember I walked in the door, and he had a robe and cap on. He took the ribs from my hands and just grabbed me,' McKee said of Cosby. 'He spun me around, pulled my panties down, and just took it. We were still standing at the door when he attacked me,' she told The News. 'It was so fast and so shocking and so unbelievable,' she said."
The Year: 1973
#9. Name: Helen Hayes. Source: Variety.
" 'His behavior was like that of a predator,' said Northern California resident Helen Hayes, describing how Cosby followed her and her friends around in 1973 and grabbed her breast."
The Year: 1974
#10. Name: Judy Huth. Source: LA Times.
"Cosby invited the girls to his L.A. County tennis club the following Saturday, the lawsuit alleges. They met him there, then followed him to a house where he 'served them alcohol beverages and played games of billiards' with Huth, according to the lawsuit. Huth was required to drink a beer every time Cosby won a game, the lawsuit said. Later, the girls followed Cosby to the Playboy Mansion, where the comedian told Huth and her friend to say they were 19 if anyone asked their ages, the lawsuit said. At one point, Huth used a bathroom and emerged to find Cosby sitting on a bed, the lawsuit alleges."
The Year: 1975
#11. Name: Tamara Green. Source: Page Six.
"Green says her assault took place in the 1970s after a working lunch. During the meal, she claims Cosby handed her two pills, which she thought were medication, because she had felt sick. 'I thought nothing of it and I took the capsules. In about, I don’t know, 20 to 30 minutes I felt great and then about 10 minutes after that I was almost literally face down on the table of this restaurant,' she recounted on NBC’s Today show in 2005. '[Cosby] said, ‘Oh my, you must be more ill then we believed.’ I totally lost motor control; I was almost unable to hold my head up,' she said. 'I was very, very, very stoned. He took me into my apartment and then very helpfully and nicely was prepared to take off my clothes and help me into bed and pet me, and that’s how the actual assault began.'"
The Year: Mid-1970s
#12. Name: Therese Serignese. Source: WPTV.
"Therese said hours later it was just her and Cosby and that's when she says he offered her some pills. She said, 'I took them, didn't know what they were didn't even ask. I just was intimidated I guess and I took them. Then my next memory is feeling drugged and him having sex with me.' "
#13. Name: Shawn Brown. Source: Daily Mail.
"Shawn Brown says the rape happened despite her being willing to have sex with him. 'Looking back, I think it was probably because I wasn't as freaky in bed as he liked without being drugged,' three-times-married Brown told MailOnline."
The Year: Late-1970s
#14. Name: Joyce Emmons. Source: NY Daily News.
"Emmons claimed the Emmy-winning comedian slipped her a Quaalude one night in the late 1970s after she complained of a migraine in his Las Vegas hotel suite. Emmons said she took the white pill, which Cosby warned was 'a little strong.' She blacked out and woke up naked in bed with one of the comedian’s pals — with no recollection of how she got there. When an angry Emmons confronted Cosby, she said, he laughed and admitted that he had given her a Quaalude. According to Emmons, Cosby — through not a drinker or drug user — kept a 'drawer full of drugs' in his Vegas suite."
The Year: 1979
#15. Name: P.J. Masten. Source: Daily News.
"Masten said Cosby lured her to his room at the Whitehall Hotel in Chicago that night with a promise they’d go out to dinner. When she arrived, Cosby was smoking cigars with a group of male friends and served her a glass of Grand Marnier on the rocks, she said. 'I don’t remember anything after I drank it,' she told The News. 'The next thing I knew it was 4 o’clock in the morning and I woke up naked with this disgusting man next to me.' "
The Year: Early 1980s
#16. Name: Lynn Neal. Source: Courthouse News.
"Cosby drugged and raped her after she met him while working as a therapist in a health club in the 1980s. She claimed that after she watched Cosby perform, she was invited to a restaurant, where Cosby ordered her a glass of Stolichnaya vodka. She said she became dizzy and disoriented after she left the restaurant, and that Cosby took her to his dressing room and raped her."
#17. Name: Linda Kirkpatrick. Source: Courthouse News.
"She said she passed out and awoke to find herself sitting on a plastic box in a dark, blacked-out room with a spotlight operated by an unidentified man. She said the blonde woman was sitting next to her. My next recollection was being back in the dressing room alone with Cosby,' Kirkpatrick said, with Cosby on top of her kissing her 'forcefully.' 'I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong with whatever I had consumed in that drink he gave me,' Kirkpatrick said."
The Year: 1982.
#18. Name: Janice Dickinson. Source: ET Online.
"Before I woke up in the morning, the last thing I remember was Bill Cosby in a patchwork robe, dropping his robe and getting on top of me. And I remember a lot of pain. The next morning I remember waking up with my pajamas off and there was semen in between my legs."
The Year: 1982-1986
#19. Name: Renita Chaney Hill. Source: CBS Pittsburgh.
"Hill says when she was alone with Cosby the scenario was always the same. Cosby would insist she have a drink even though she was underage. She says she now believes she was drugged. 'One time, I remember just before I passed out, I remember him kissing and touching me and I remember the taste of his cigar on his breath, and I didn’t like it,' Hill said. 'I remember another time when I woke up in my bed the next day and he was leaving, he mentioned you should probably lose a little weight. I thought that odd, how would he know that?'"
The Year: Early-to-mid 1980s
#20. Name: Beth Ferrier. Source: Variety.
"Beth Ferrier, a Colorado resident, says she was an aspiring model in the 1980s when she had a relationship with Cosby. 'He drugged me and sexually assaulted me,' she told the crowd at the press conference, explaining that he slipped drugs in her cappuccino after the relationship had ended. Ferrier was known as Jane Doe No. 5 in the earlier Andrea Constand lawsuit. 'I want Mr. Cosby to face justice for what he has done to me and so many other women,' Ferrier said."
The Year: Mid-1980s
#21. Name: Beverly Johnson. Source: Vanity Fair.
"I knew by the second sip of the drink Cosby had given me that I’d been drugged — and drugged good. My head became woozy, my speech became slurred, and the room began to spin nonstop. Cosby motioned for me to come over to him as though we were really about to act out the scene. He put his hands around my waist, and I managed to put my hand on his shoulder in order to steady myself. As I felt my body go completely limp, my brain switched into automatic-survival mode. That meant making sure Cosby understood that I knew exactly what was happening at that very moment. 'You are a motherfucker aren’t you?' .... What happened next is somewhat cloudy for me because the drug was in fuller play by that time. I recall his seething anger at my tirade and then him grabbing me by my left arm hard and yanking all 110 pounds of me down a bunch of stairs as my high heels clicked and clacked on every step."
The Year: 1986
#22. Name: Barbara Bowman. Source: Washington Post.
"Cosby won my trust as a 17-year-old aspiring actress in 1985, brainwashed me into viewing him as a father figure, and then assaulted me multiple times. In one case, I blacked out after having dinner and one glass of wine at his New York City brownstone, where he had offered to mentor me and discuss the entertainment industry. When I came to, I was in my panties and a man’s t-shirt, and Cosby was looming over me. I’m certain now that he drugged and raped me. But as a teenager, I tried to convince myself I had imagined it. I even tried to rationalize it: Bill Cosby was going to make me a star and this was part of the deal."
#23. Name: Lisa Jones. Source: E.T. Canada
"Jones says Cosby became 'intense' and started explaining to her that the only way for women to get ahead in the industry was to sleep around. 'He was very derogatory about women,' she claims, 'very derogatory about how women were going to be successful in the industry and how women had gotten successful was by the casting couch.' Then, she alleges, Cosby became aggressive. 'He, out of nowhere, started to walk past me, and crouched in front of my knees, grabbed my legs, and tried to pull them apart,' she describes. 'I just remember I was so shocked.' Jones says she then fled Cosby’s home. 'All I wanted to do was get out of there because I was in an unsafe environment and that's what I did.' "
#24. Name: Chelan. Source: Variety.
"Chelan was 17 years old at the time she met Cosby in 1986. He gave her a blue pill in a hotel room, she said, and she passed out while he was lying on a bed with her, giving her $1,500 after she woke up."
The Year: 1988
#25. Name: Jena T. Source: People.
"Cosby told her where to find lotion in the house, she claims, and she got it. 'I'm like a robot, and that is what I became, and that is what I did for him.' Before she left, she says, Cosby gave her $700. 'I tried my best to muster a sort of, "I am an adult making this decision." Did I really feel that way? No.' "
#26. Name: Lisa. Source: Dr. Phil
"'I was sitting down in between his legs with my back to his crotch,' Lisa said. 'He started to stroke my hair back in a petting motion. The last thing I remember is just feeling the strokes on my head. After that I don’t remember anything else.' "
The Year: Late 1980s
#27. Name: Jewel Allison. Source: Daily News.
" 'He turned me around and said, "Let's get you home." At the door, he gave me a very hard embrace and a hard kiss.' She remembers vomiting in the back seat of a cab on the way home. Cosby invited her over again but she declined."
The Year: Early 1990s
#28. Name: Kacey. Source: Courthouse News.
"She said Cosby invited her to his residence where he had her read with him for a role in a television show he was developing. She said that stage directions called for a 'kiss' and that Cosby pressed up against her to act the scene, but she refused. On another occasion, she said, Cosby invited her to his bungalow so they could go for lunch in Bel Air. She said that when she arrived the comedian greeted her in a bathrobe and slippers, took her inside and offered her food, wine and a 'large white pill.' Kacey's voice broke as she said that Cosby pressured her to take the pill. 'Next thing, I remember waking up in a bed with Mr. Cosby naked beneath his open robe,' Kacey said."
The Year: 1992
#29. Name: Angela Leslie. Source: NY Daily News.
"[Cosby] then poured Leslie a stiff drink and told her to act like she was blasted on booze. 'I couldn’t drink it,' she recounted. 'I tasted it and put it down. Then he asked me to go into the bathroom and wet my hair .... I walked back out, and he had removed his clothing and gotten into bed.' Cosby began rubbing against the actress before pouring lotion into her palm and pulling her hand under the blankets. 'With his hand on top of mine, he had me massage his penis,' she said. 'He masturbated with my hand. I wasn’t pulling back. I was in shock.' "
The Year: 1995
#30. Name: Michelle Hurd. Source: Daily Mail.
" 'I did stand-in work on The Cosby Show back in the day and YES, Bill Cosby was VERY inappropriate with me.' She goes on to discuss being touched in ways she did not like and being asked to eat lunch with him in his dressing room .... 'I dodged the ultimate bullet with him when he asked me to come to his house, take a shower so we could blow dry my hair and see what it looked like straightened,' she says. 'At that point my own red flags went off and I told him, 'No, I’ll just come to work tomorrow with my hair straightened.' "
The Year: 2000
#31. Name: Lachele Covington. Source: NY Post.
"After drinks and dinner, Lachele asked Cosby for career tips and he told her, 'There isn’t anything you can’t do if you put your mind to it.' The comedian said that when he wants to do deep thinking, he uses relaxation techniques and to demonstrate, he came around behind her and began rubbing her head, her report said. Then he slid his hands down her arms, stopping at her buttocks, it said. Covington lay down on a couch — apparently to relax further — and it was then that Cosby guided her hand toward his sweatpants, the report said."
The Year: 2004
#32. Name: Andrea Constand. Source: Deadspin.
"He offered her three blue pills, calling them herbal medication, and said they would help her relax. When Constand asked if she needed to take all three, Cosby said yes. She took them and started to shake; she felt dizzy and weak. Her limbs went slack and she felt barely conscious. She woke up sometime after 4 a.m. feeling raw, her clothes strewn everywhere. Cosby greeted her in his bathrobe."
The Year: 2008
#33. Name: Chloe Goins. Source: Slate.
"Goins said that in 2008, when she was 18, she met Cosby at the Playboy mansion, drank a mixed drink he handed her, passed out, then woke up to find herself naked in a bed, with Cosby masturbating over her and licking her toes .... 'Ms. Goins is now determined to accomplish what so many other victims no longer have the opportunity to do — to be the girl that puts Mr. Cosby behind bars, where he belongs,' Goins’ attorney, Spencer Kuvin said."