To the Stranger Who Sent Me an Unsolicited Dick Pic on the Train

A thank-you note to the kind, generous gentleman who thought I’d want an unsolicited picture of his junk.
Publish date:
May 26, 2015
creepers, dick pics

Dear Stranger:

I had a bit of a long day yesterday, so first and foremost I want to apologize for the lack of response to the…er, message you sent me. You see, I have a bit of a cold and wanted to leave work early but as things go in Corporate America, that didn’t exactly go as planned. You may know this firsthand but I’m not quite sure where you work or what you do for a living. In fact, I know nothing about you. The only thing I know about you….is what your dick looks like.

Because you sent me a picture of it.

You see, I was sitting on the train on my way home doing my usual perusing of social media. Was it Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? All three simultaneously? Perhaps, but I don’t remember. What I DO remember is my phone making an alert sound – one I had never heard before – and a photo of your genitalia popping up ON MY SCREEN IN FULL VIEW. Wow! To say I was not expecting that is quite an understatement. I normally do not receive photos like this at 7pm while sitting next to strangers on my commute home.

Wait, now that I think of it, I normally do not receive photos like this at all. You were my first. So in a way, this is kind of special.

Since I was caught a bit off-guard (you understand, I hope! give a girl some warning next time!) I gasped loudly and practically chucked my phone across the entire aisle. I quickly turned the screen side down towards my lap and tried to process what I just saw. Was that a… no, it couldn’t have been.

I looked to my left at the man next to me and received confirmation that his eyes were closed and therefore didn’t have the pleasure of viewing your junk as I did mere seconds earlier. I then looked behind me to see if anyone was peering over my shoulder. The coast was clear.

I then slowly – and very carefully – turned the phone back around to figure out my next move. While I was obviously appreciative of the gesture, at this junction I wasn’t sure who had sent me this generous photo present. Alas, it was anonymous. You sent it through the “Air Drop” setting on the iPhone, a setting and feature I was unaware of until now.

I apologize, sir, but I ultimately decided to “decline” your photo. It’s not that I didn’t want to save it as a keepsake in my phone forever; it just didn’t feel right given the fact that I don’t know you. How old are you? Where do you live? What are your hopes and dreams? Unfortunately none of those things are conveyed in a photo of your man-parts.

I did a quick Google search and found out that pics like this are often sent this way; that if your Air Drop settings are set to receive photos from “Everyone” and not just the contacts in your phone, anyone nearby can send you a photo. What a nice feature! Personally I’d love some words of encouragement or random compliments from a stranger to brighten up my day, but a dick pic works just as well, I suppose.

I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish. What you wanted my reaction to be. But I apologize I wasn’t able to respond and properly thank you for the act of kindness you bestowed upon me.

I’m sad to report that I have now changed the settings on my phone so I can no longer receive unsolicited lewd photos like this. Not because I didn’t enjoy yours, but I guess I just feel like nothing can top my first time.

Take care of yourself and God speed, my friend. And thank you again.