What is a time of joy for many women was my darkest hour.
Date night, last Saturday. The ol’ man and I dodged Chicago’s under-and-over-ground music fests and beat feet to a disappointing semi-famous suburban “crab house” (that’s on me, right? They can’t all be Red Lobster), followed by "Horrible Bosses" in the frozen comfort of the local gigaplex.
Our tushes are routinely in the seats early and you know how they play commercials for regular TV shows and ads for products as well as previews now? Well, A clip rolled out that vaguely resemble a premium cable montage: Cleopatra, samurais, jousting knights, until they cut to a lady in a grocery aisle nodding approvingly at a bottle of Summer’s Eve ladyparts wash (*I have nothing against this product). In building-tall letters, “HAIL TO THE V!”
The V?? I wasn’t even sure what I watched, but Googling commenced as soon as I returned home. The spot I’d witnessed wasn’t posted on YouTube yet (it is now), but a series of Hail to the V! campaign ads were showcased on summerseve’s own channelfeaturing puzzling talking hands (although if my hands could talk, they’d be blabbing about my vagina also, you know what I’m sayin’).
The channel begged to be posted on Facebook, and I obliged. The copy that accompanied the link was, uh, bizarre: Summer's Eve is 100% pro-vagina. And as a champion of all women, all around the planet, we celebrate lady loveliness every opportunity we can - especially through our line of gentle, innovative cleansing products designed specially for your V. Hail to the V!
Aw, thanks for championing and celebrating the loveliness of my V, you Mad men (it’s got to be men).
Anyway, here’s my imagined ad copy, exalting the power of a couple of other favorite body parts.
Winter's Adam is 100% pro-penis. And as a champion of all men, all around the planet, we celebrate man macho-ness every opportunity we can - especially through our line of intense, innovative cleansing products designed specially for your P. Hail to the P!
For everyone!:Spring's Eros is 100% pro-anus. And as a champion of all buttocks, all around the planet, we celebrate gluteus to the maximus every opportunity we can - especially through our line of wholly innovative cleansing products designed specially for your A. Hail to the A!
Wash your powerful vaginas, everybody! And penises & anuses! Your V’s, P’s & A’s are crazy sweaty in this heatwave. Also, I liked "Horrible Bosses."