What is a time of joy for many women was my darkest hour.
This is technically Twitter fanfiction, okayyyy?
So, my pal Jessica, Smile Jessica! Was braggin' about the lasagna she just made so I am forcing her to write about it because 1: Her lasagna sounded really good and 2: She thinks it's lame to tweet about food on Twitter and THEN we started talking about how I made lasagna and one of my noodles had this amazing DEMON face on it, but the face faded when I stuck it in Tupperware so I could not sell it on eBay to satanists and THEN I started thinking about Shirataki Noodles and how I have always wanted to try them.
So THEN I went on Amazon and read this review:
Did you enjoy that worm you ate on a dare when you were a kid? Why, now is your chance to relive that special moment again and again!
That weird, unappetizing consistency of overcooked calamari, the creepy feel in your hands and later your throat, and no taste other than whatever plastic this stuff is packed in - who wouldn't want a whole plate of that?
As an added bonus, Miracle Noodle looks like a gaggle of tapeworms, and it smells like fish when you open up the package, which makes your hands reek like you've gutted a trout after you rinsed this "pasta"
So THEN I asked Michelle @fatnutritionist about these noodles that have zero calories and zero carbs and she has never tried them but asked me if I knew that people were fermenting beer with "vaginal yeast" and as much as I think Michelle rocks for her website and food views, I think she may be lying about this because THEN I googled it and could find nothing. But THEN I remembered about the "Natural Harvest" cookbook which is a collection of recipes made with semen.
So has anyone tried Shirataki noodles? Do they really taste like worms? Why aren't you following me @evevawter on Twitter?