Science Is My Enemy (or: Will I Be The Worst Health Blogger Ever?)

Beauty + Health Blogger Disclosure: I don't, like, actually know what a "thyroid" is. Should I?
Publish date:
May 16, 2011

Oh God. I hate science. Like I used to freelance for Self, a health magazine that's all about the science, and even though I only wrote beauty stories, it was terrifying! The notes I got back were always like this:

"Whydoes algae extract make lashes grow? Explain."

'"Why are 'milky lipids' so conditioning? Explain. (Also -- what is a 'milky lipid'???)"

"'This appeallingly gloppy (almost pudding-like) ringlet-shaping cream smells like bananas!' CAT!!! HOW DOES IT WORK?!?! EXPLAIN!!!"

Seriously, I would almost pass out. Then I would do a terrible job on the edits. Eventually I was demoted to assignments completely devoid of any science, or, arguably, facts whatsoever. (See "What Your Lips Say About Your Personality" SELF, September 2010, and above. My lip shape says I'm a dreamer!).

WORD; I get it. I'm not amazing! I'm not Mr. Wizard! I'm not even Dr. Oz. (I am definitely not Dr. Phil aka The Walrus.) And thank God, because science and health are boring. They are! And exercising is boring, and eating well is boring, and the scientific reasons why anything is good for you are boring, not that I understand them half the time anyway.

But alas, I am your health blogger, and this is why you should stick with me: Health is crucial to looking bangin' and staying sane, and I'm vain and crazy! No (yes) the truth is that my whole adult life I've been compulsively drawn to the unhealthy things -- only last year did I rejoin the living and then drastically shape up for the better. I'm not all the way there, but maybe you're not either. So we can be on this bandwagon together -- obviously with our totally hot future bodies as incentives.

Do you feel me? Or seriously, should Jane fire me because I only barely understand diabetes (and that's only because my Type 1 mom never shuts up)? And what kind of stories do you think would help you most, health goals-wise? Let's hear it!