What is a time of joy for many women was my darkest hour.
Why do you bake a cake when you can go to a bakery? Why wank off if you can find someone willing on Casual Encounters? Because some things are just better when you DIY. At least, that's the reason I have been making my own nut milk.
Taste aside, making nut milk is incredibly cheap, and good for those who spend an abundance of time in their kitchen, and/or want to know EXACTLY what they're eating; I like being able to pronounce every ingredient on my food labels. The only negative I have found with homemade nut milk is that it separates, so you have to give it a quick shake before you pour it into your coffee.
Making your own nut milk is actually pretty easy, and you only need a handful of things. One of these things is a nut milk bag used for straining your milk, but you can actually do without. Nut milk bags are great because they're reusable, but really they're just another thing to BUY. Like the snuggie. It's just a freakin' robe turned backward.
Below, I will show you how to improvise using a pair of new, cheap .99 cent panty hose. But please, PLEASE, make sure they're clean! You don't want to make nut milk in a pair of dirty stockings. If you use dirty stockings, don't come hating on me if your nut milk tastes like crotch wine. You can also improvise with cheese cloth and a strainer, or a simple coffee filter.
Almond Milk: Makes approximately 1 quart.
You will need:
- A blender
- 1 cup of raw almonds, blanched. (I blanched my own almonds and it added an extra 30 minutes to this otherwise easy peasy process. Buy the damned blanched almonds. Why blanch the almonds? The skins taste slightly bitter, and also turn the milk a darker color. For aesthetics and flavor, blanche those suckers!)
- 3 ½ cup water, plus water for soaking
- 1 nut milk bag OR the leg of a clean (clean! It must be clean!) stocking. Panty hose? Tights? Whatever you call them, you need the foot of it.
- 1 quart jar or container
Optional: 1 tsp vanilla, ½ tsp of cinnamon, 1-2 dates or 1 tbs maple syrup if you want it sweet
Step one: Take your almonds and soak them in quart container. They should be completely covered with water. Why soak? Soaking softens your nuts and makes them easier to blend, but also allows you to digest them easier, which means you absorb more nutrients. Basically soaking is better for your blender, and your bod.
Soak for 8 – 24 hours. This is a large range of time. The longer you soak, the better, but some of us need our almond milk ASAP and in that case, overnight will do.
Step two: Strain your soaked nuts. Toss away that water. Put your nuts in the blender with 3 ½ cups of (fresh) water, and any of your optionals. Vanilla is my favorite. Blend away! Blend, blend, blend. Blend for 3 – 4 minutes until you have a thick, almondy sludge. It will taste delicious just as it is, but try not to eat it all in its pulpy form. Instead, move on to...
Step three: Amputate one leg off your panty hose. Stretch it around your quart container, or whatever you want to store your milk in. Pour your almond mix through, slowly. If you pour too much too fast you will make a big ol' mess.
Soon you will have milk in your container, and pulp in your hose.
But you are not done, oh no! Now it's time to squeeze. Begin to massage your nut milk bag until you have squozen all of the glorious milk from the nutty sack
Now you're done making your milk. Put that aside for coffee, cereals, smoothies, baking, baptizing infants, whatever. It keeps in the fridge for 4-6 days. Remember that it does separate!
But now what do you do with your nut pulp!?!
You could just throw it out but that sounds wasteful. There will be no wasting in this kitchen!
Here are some other options: Make this yummy freezer fudge. Or, if -- like me -- you forgot to buy the ingredients for the freezer fudge, you can make a DIY almond scrub!
Mix 2 tablespoons of pulp with 1 tsp of coconut oil and proceed to scrub your face. Freeze the rest of the pulp until you can decide something else inventive to do with it. Or just feed it to the dog.
Have you made nut milk? Are nut milk bags a total scam, or a worthy investment? Do you have a snuggie? I am currently in the process of patenting a snuggie for two: the Fuggie.
Zoe is milking things on Twitter @sexytofublog.