What is a time of joy for many women was my darkest hour.
I have friends who don’t eat breakfast. I have friends who don’t eat lunch. “I will live to be one hundred, just like my great grandfather,” says one, sassily. “I just don’t like doing anything in the morning, to do things before nine am fills with me rage,” says another, perhaps more soundly. Sound or not, I hate them both.
JK JK, all of my friends are awesome. Except for you - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Obviously I would never do something as crass as choose my friends based on the number of meals they eat throughout the day. That would be almost as bad as being like “Wut. You don’t like NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL? VARG FOREVER! END OF FRIENDSHIP! STOKES OUT.” In case I wasn’t clear - choosing your friends based on their musical taste = just as bad as choosing your friends based on their meal preferences. (Unless you hate Tiny Tim. In which case, no joke, dead to me.)
That said, I myself am a huge proponent of three meals a day. (I’m also not actually into Norwegian black metal because I’m not down with murder and hate, so there’s that.) Breakfast? In the immortal words of Ron Swanson, “Give me all the eggs and bacon you have.” Lunch? OMG SANDWICH. Dinner? THERE WILL BE COURSES STARRING DANIEL DAY POTATOES.)
Sure, I like eating regularly because eating is awesome. I also like eating regularly because I’ve got a borked (it’s a word now) relationship with food, and when I play games with food (as opposed to say, playing with my actual food), it gets more borked. When that happens, crazy shit unfolds in my mind cavity - like cakes becoming my enemies. (NOOOOOOO CAKES 4 LYFE)
When I worked in an office (she wrote as though it has been years when in fact is has been uh, a week) I refused to eat lunch at my desk. I was all “Bitch please, me and my steak au poivre by Hungry Man will be downstairs sitting among the homeless and the insane in the lobby for the next hour. Call me if you need - WAIT DON’T.” And then I would throw my phone at my co-workers' faces and run away.
I could take a lunch break because I was a non-essential employee with very little invested in what I was doing. (#likeaboss) As such, it was beyond easy for me to get on my high-horse (made of brownies) and judge away when it came to those who ate at their desks. That's changed now that I'm solely doing stuff I want to do. When you're invested in a task, I can see how easy it is to get stuck at your desk.
Studies show that people who leave their desks to eat their lunch make healthier food choices. Also, common sense indicates this. So does this aweticle (that is a hep fusion of awesome and article I have just invented) by Kate Conway. Because if you leave your desk to eat, you’re probably uh, paying attention to your noms instead of being all “Emails emails emails” and then accidentally eating your hand.
Now that I'm fully a freelancer, I work at home. It's caused me to reevaluate my previously judge-y lunch stance. Working at home means it takes a redonk amount of effort for me to do things like ever wear pants, or stop inventing languages shared by only me and my cats. It also means that if I’m not careful I’ll maybe never leave my bed accept to air my sores and coat my body in a patina of bacon grease.
That’s part of why I got a standing desk. Am I writing from this standing desk now? No. Because as in shape as I think I am, after two measly hours, I had to rest my sexy gams in this here chair. I knew that my love of sitting would overwhelm my love for movement, and I wanted to make a healthy choice.
What I didn’t count on was how quickly my passion for meals on the regs would be thrown into a tumult. Without the actual need to get up and leave my desk in order to save myself from mind melting boredom, it’s unspeakably easy for me to breeze through lunch o’clock without noticing.
I’m hoping not to have to set up, like, an alarm clock for myself at my own home so I have to go “QUITTING TIME!” while a steam whistle blows and I quietly unpack the lunch I made for myself hours earlier and then left on the counter. But I know I’ve got to do something to make sure staying healthy and happy and as normal as possible while still embracing going maybe several days at a time without contact from humans.
Do you work from home? Do you set a lunch break for yourself? How do you keep yourself healthy and maintain an eating routine without lapsing into accidental four-hour lunches as hosted by the ladies of the various Real Housewives franchises? Desk workers - are you still eating there? Do you think me and those scientists from Finland are full of baloney? TELL ME. Also - has everyone seen Until The Light Takes Us? The Black Metal documentary on Netflix? Oh my God, GO WATCH IT AND THEN COME BACK AND DISCUSS WITH ME.