THE “F**K ADDERALL” DIARIES: I Went Grocery Shopping Like A Healthy Adult Today, And Boy, Do I Feel Fantastic!

Plus, an all-access look inside my crazy fridge. Don't worry; those are CLEAN syringes!
Publish date:
December 16, 2011
food, addiction, body image, F**k adderall, M

Can I first tell you how humiliating it is to ask someone at the supermarket to take a photo of you with your grocery basket-thingie? Goddammit and their stupid run-a-picture-of-yourself-always policy! At least people are starting to believe that I’m a real person. For a while people were accusing me of being made up. Which was weird.

Swag though.


Okay, so I’m going to make this a quick post because I don’t want to fucking bore you to death with the details of my (totally mundane) accomplishment: I went to a supermarket today and bought groceries! This is a huge step forward for me since I didn't eat for like 13 years on pills, and when I did, it was only from the deli where I had to deal with Creepy Kevin, as my most faithful readers will recall.

GROCERIES! See, here they are:

I am particularly proud of that rotisserie chicken.

My crisper drawer may still be filled with pill bottles and syringes (oh, relax; they’re clean), but my fridge shelves are stocked with healthy food for once.

My problem is that I get bored with the healthy foods that I like soo fast, and I don’t really know what else to buy. But diet is really, really important to me right now in a way that it has never been in the past.

I am feeling so good and healthy; I am off pills; I am FINALLY exercising again (mainly powerwalks and Yogaworks and Cindy Crawford workout DVDS!) after years of using only Adderall to keep my weight down.

I get very, very upset when I go off Adderall and gain, usually, 30 pounds -- which is why I always wind up going back on it and completely spiraling out and fucking up my life again.

But I think this time is it, you guys. I know I said that last time and the time before that and the time before that, and I can’t say that I won’t ever fuck up again, but going off of Adderall this time has completely changed my life for the better in ways that I could only have dreamed of two years ago. I must. Stick. With it.

So feeding my brain and body with healthy foods is so, so important right now, as is avoiding a lot of substances I can do without (ecstasy, cocaine) because if I don’t feel good or energized and happy and relatively skinny for even a minute, the addict in me screams, “GO GET YOUR SPEED PRESCRIPTIONS FILLED, HO!”

The NEXT step is cooking, but I really don’t know how to do that. I would really love to hear your thoughts on how to start. Ooh, and I want to start making smoothies! XO

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