Five Skin-Soothing Products Keeping Me from Dessicated Corpsehood

I've caught the dreaded death flu, and the only thing standing in the way of my complete mummification is an arsenal of skin-soothing products.

Oct 13, 2011 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

It was only a matter of time. The creeping crud that's been making its way around the xoJane staff has finally hitched a wagon train out West and taken up residence in my weak and protesting body. The timing could NOT be worse!

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Not only is this coming Saturday my 7th wedding anniversary, but I'm actually attending a good friend's wedding that day as well. So I want to look and feel glowy and healthy and happy not only for my husband's sake, but because who wants to look like shit at a wedding?

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The shoes I bought for this event are insane and I'd really like the rest of me to live up to their gloriousness. Hence, I have embarked on a regimen that involves Nyquil, sleep, pampering (that word makes me want to barf) and frequent moisturization that will hopefully keep me from looking the way I feel ... which, at present, is a lot like a dried-up specimen who may or may not be meeting Abbot and Costello at some point. Here are the products that have been helping me in my quest.

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Normally I just use Cetaphil (aka Stunt Jizz) on my sensitive facial skin, but I picked up a trial size of Fresh Soy Face Cleanser ($15, Sephora.com) on the recommendation of a friend and it's been working great. It cleanses gently but thoroughly and contains soothing ingredients like cornflower, cucumber and aloe vera. I can't speak to its mascara-removing claims because I don't wear mascara when I'm sick -- but this stuff is doing a wonderful job of eliminating my pillowface without irritation. I will definitely buy this again.

This other gunk is what I have on in the first photo. C. Booth Deep Cleansing Volcanic Mud Mask ($9.99, ulta.com) where have you been all my life? Picked this tube up a while back and it has become a permanent part of my skincare rotation. As I'm aging, my pores seem to be enlarging and creating delightful little caverns for skin-dulling grossness to linger; this stuff soaks up all that disgustingness and tightens said pores without drying me out or giving me a rash. My skin looks brighter and feels softer, and I dig the woodsy smell. Love it.

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Heritage Products Lavender Flower Water ($3.82, Vitacost.com): Oh, how I love this lightly-scented spray of wonder. I get mine at the health food store and have been using it for years. It's just lavender oil and water and I'm sure I could DIY my own, but I enjoy how the bottle turns what should be a very short ingredients list into this ebullient claim:

"Contains: Vor-Mag Water (water that has been vortexed and magnetized to raise the energy to a higher vibration that we believe to be beneficial) and Lavender Oil."

Vortexed or not, I love this crap and I spray it all over my body and face. It is especially refreshing when you're sick, makes you feel like you're not quite as smelly or repellent as you totally are, and the lavender oil does nice things for my skin. So I say it's a keeper! (Their Rosewater is really nice, too.)

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When I'm able to stand upright long enough to take a shower, I make sure to exfoliate like mad with Origins Ginger Body Scrub ($33, Origins.com), which is the loveliest scrubby stuff pretty much ever. It sloughs all your dead bits off and moisturizes what's left with a blend of macadamia, kukui, sweet almond oils and ginger zest. I'm addicted to the smell and using it makes me feel like a human being again, no small feat when you've spent the last 36 hours hallucinating from a fever. Wait, was that a goblin?!

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Last, but in no way least, my favorite body lotion on the face of the earth, Skin Trip ($6.76, Vitacost.com). You may or may not feel that you need additional moisture after using the scrub I recommended above, but in winter my skin gets extra dry and corpse-y, so I just go for it. Lesley told you guys a while back about how coconut oil helped her get rid of those annoying upper arm bumpies -- this stuff did the same for me, probably because the second ingredient is Coconut Oil! It also contains aloe juice and safflower oil.

Skin Trip seems like a summer product, but I use it year-round. The scent is coconutty yet light, and the formulation itself isn't too thick or greasy. It soaks in quickly and works like nothing else I've tried. You want silky legs and arms? This is how you get 'em. When I send my husband out for more fresh-squeezed juice and Kleenex tomorrow, he'll be picking up more of this lotion, too. NEED MORE LOTION!

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Time to go get some sickbed snoozing in with my main canine, Dizzy, which is my best skincare tip of them all. I'd loan her to you if I could, but I have a sparkly pair of shoes to live up to and need all the help I can get.