IMPORTANT WEEKEND QUESTION: What Are Ya'll Doing for Birth Control Anyway?

I apologize in advance for this hetero-normative question.
Publish date:
July 19, 2015

I spent the bulk of my formative years using the withdrawal method. This is either a far more effective method than the world would have us to believe or God was protecting the world from my alcoholic, depressive genes resulting in a sad, blob of a baby who surely just mope around the crib. Somehow I never even had a pregnancy scare.

(I would say maybe I'm just infertile but I know too many women who have made similar assumptions right before a surprise pregnancy.)

Anyway, now that I have a child (free of blobby Emily genes, thank you very much), I know I am definitely not ready for another one, and as a sober adult, I got a full STD test and went on birth control near the beginning of my 8-month relationship. You know, so we could do it the fun way.

I chose the Depo-Provera shot, because I didn't and still don't trust myself to remember to take a pill at the same time every day, and also I remember the Pill making me vaguely crazy when I tried it in my 20s.

For the most part, I love the shot -- I only have to get one every 3 months, it's quick with minimal pain, and it made my period go away. Which, with apologies to all my moon sisters out there, is a plus for me.

The only speedbump is that about 2 shots in, the doctor informed me that I had gained 10 pounds since I'd started getting it. I'm not like devastated by 10 extra pounds, but I have lately been focusing on eating more healthfully and working out and it's frustrating to put the work in and not see any movement on the scale. (What, working out and eating well has benefits other than weight loss?)

So again, it's not a huge deal (I got a man, ya know?), but I would prefer to lose the 10 pounds. I'm giving it a few weeks to see if extra workouts and Weight Watchers can overcome them mighty powerful hormones, but if not I may consider another form of birth control.

My doctor suggested the Mirena for me, but for some reason I'm extremely skeeved out by the implant thing. Aside from the pain of insertion, the idea of it gives me sci-fi tremors like how some people react to the word "moist."

For those of you for whom birth control is an issue: What's your deal? Am I being a baby about the Mirena? Should I stick it out with Depo, since I like everything else about it? I'm pretty much not willing to take the Pill or go back to condoms. I mean, what's the point of being in a monogamous relationship, if you don't get to have sex without condoms? Just to secretly talk shit about people you both know?

Give me your sitch in the comments.