BREAST WISHES! Why I Will Be Totally Happy For You If You Decide To Get Adjustable Breast Implants

I feel like a whole bunch of readers are about to start hating me, but what can you do. Oh, and also, this post is mad somber. Read on.

Jun 1, 2011 at 10:02am | Leave a comment

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I'm generally all good and supportive of people getting plastic surgery. Because you know what? I've known quite a few people who have had it -- nose jobs and lipo in particular -- and all of them were happier afterward and still are, in the long run. Who cares if it took an elective surgery to get there? Sometimes surgery really helps people love themselves. And that's reality, dudes.

I've seen this over and over again. Which is why when someone tells me they're thinking about getting plastic surgery, I tell them to talk to me when they make a decision and I'll help them find the best word-of-mouth doctor for whatever it is they want to do. I'm a beauty editor, so I know the scene.

(Full disclosure: I am also quite familiar with the New York City plastic surgery circuit because I used to score prescription painkillers by going in for complimentary nose job consultations -- no, I never had it done, but I would if it was free in a second -- and booking and canceling surgeries all over town. When you book a surgery, you see, you get your post-op Vicodin -- or whatever -- scripts written in advance ... and I was very sick then and kept milking that. It was gross.)

Does the going under the knife part speak to much deeper insecurities that won't be removed along with the bump in the nose? Maybe, but ... so? It's your body. You do what you want with it. I will never, ever judge you. I am pro-choice for essentially the same reasons.

Also, I'm totally not ashamed to say that I will hopefully be getting a tummy tuck and a breast lift if I ever have kids, which believe me, I will. And I got my lip injected once. It looked pretty. Big deal! My own physical appearance is very important to me. I'm also just as much a feminist as anyone.

I also don't think of plastic surgery as a woman thing -- maybe it's just the area where I was raised, but I know three guys who have had nose jobs. And all the older actors have everything done, and all the movie star actors that we think are hunky, too.

This was supposed to be a funny post about this press release in front of me about adjustable implants, which sounds like a good enough idea -- great; women get to go smaller or bigger months later when they decide what size implant they REALLY want. I mean, that's nice for them!

The best part of the press release is really this one sentence where they describe what goes down in the doctor's office during the adjustments:

"Three months after the surgery the patient returns to the surgeon’s office and together the patient and the doctor both watch in the mirror as the doctor adds saline and adjusts the size."

Ha ha ha HA. I would like to see THAT.

Oh, and by the way, I don't represent anyone on this site but myself. Before you go after Jane (who incidentally refuses to get Botox, but that's her story for another time).

So ... Thoughts?